There are seasons in life where everything seems to be out of control. That’s where I’ve been for the past three months. And that’s not a fun place to be. I’ve found myself reacting in ways that I thought I had overcome.
Many of you know what I mean. You’ve been there or might be in a similar situation now.
The reality of what I want versus the reality I find myself in affect me to the point that I find myself emotionally erupting where typically I could keep myself together. Tears come more quickly. The stress becomes so high that rather than seeing the good in the people around me and seeking to give them the benefit of the doubt, I endure until I begin “awful-izing” their every move.
It’s when the “woe-is-me” begins to kick in and I long for the next season of life. When _____ happens, life will be better. If only ______ would stop then I could relax and begin to enjoy life again. It’s as if I’m thinking “If only things would change, life would be grand.”
I’ve been here before–especially in my parenting.
- Things will be better when summer begins.
- I can’t wait until they can drive themselves.
- Surely she will drop this guy she is dating and move on.
- I’m so embarrassed by his mistake, everyone must think I’m a terrible parent. If only…
- I can’t wait for them to move out so the piles of stuff will be gone.
- When they go off to college, we can finally ______.
But this time — even in this no good, rotten, awful season of life — I’m trying to do something different.
I’m asking God to show me what He wants me to see. I’m trying diligently to count my blessings. And I’m giving myself grace.
- Grace that says it is okay to feel the way I feel given the circumstances.
- Grace that says others might buckle given all that I’m having to endure, but I’m thankful that I am still standing regardless of the emotional mess I’m in.
- Grace that allows me to accomplish less even when I think I should be doing more.
God and I had a deep conversation last week at a time when I was having my own self-pity party.
Maybe you’ve been there.
It was a time where I found myself angry at the circumstances and tired of the journey. Exhaustion was setting in. I was feeling taken advantage of (doesn’t parenting sometimes do that to us?) and I just wanted to be in control of the situation. As I sat in the stillness, I journal-ed my thoughts and what I thought God was saying to me.
I want to share the words with you.
My mind is racing with so many things and my heart is numb to all that surrounds me. My hopes and dreams seem foolish in the midst of the current circumstances. I long for something more for our family–for my child–and yes, selfishly, for me.
Help me to learn to enjoy the moments I’m in rather than second guessing my every move. Help me to remember that the things that are happening are about You–not me. You are weaving a story to bring You glory, but right now I’ll admit I don’t like the part You are asking me to play. Help me to learn what you want me to learn quickly.
I know that you are using this circumstance so that we will all mature. Help me to walk through the situation wisely so that my endurance is strengthened.
Speak, Lord, for I am listening.
As I sat in the quiet of the moment, I felt His Spirit within me say:
“I love you, my child. Know that I have a plan. Remember that I am weaving all things together for good–for everyone involved–according to my purpose. The financial implication is a nit in My grand scheme. The time involved is the sacrifice I am requiring. I am building in your child what he needs for his future. Be patient and let me work in him.
You are stretched thin. Continue to simplify. Continue to just do the next thing in this season. And pray. Pray that the words that flow from your mouth are lovely, pure, and uplifting to those around you.
Slow down and spend your time wisely and don’t forget Me. I will give you strength. I am a jealous God. Come into My presence so that I can turn your sadness into joy overflowing.
Be still and know that I am God.”
Maybe you are in a similar place as you deal with the stress, the busyness, the rude behavior of your teen, or a choice your teen has made that is affecting you emotionally, spiritually, or financially. My prayer is that you will take the time to ponder the words as you sit in His presence.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
2 Corinthians 2:3-4
He is in the middle of whatever NOW you are in. Sit in it. Meditate on what He is trying to teach you. And don’t wish the season away for a brighter tomorrow. That time may come–or it may not.
I’m learning to accept that I might not be able to control my circumstances but I can endure all things if He is by my side.
The NOW we are in is His story. Are we willing to…
“Let go…and Let God”,
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