Have you ever been in a situation with one of your kids where you questioned what is true? I’m actually in that situation like that right now and I’ll admit it’s a struggle. I spin daily trying to see the situation from every angle, trying to understand what could have really happened to get us here, and the butterflies in my stomach and feelings of disbelief keep me from accomplishing little except replaying circumstances in my head. My daily to-do list is slow to materialize and, thankfully, my husband is willing to pick up the slack.
If you are like me, you hurt deeply when there is something you can’t fix with your child. You can’t change a thing, the damage is done, and all you can do is accept that it-is-what-it-is.
I meditate on scripture knowing that God is somewhere in the circumstance; yet, I question why he would allow this to happen. I find myself constantly on the brink of tears yet holding them back so I can be strong.
I know in the past I would have questioned what I did wrong as a parent, but I learned years ago that God allows what He allows and my job sometimes is to just learn to walk through it without fear.
Easier said than done.
We think we know our kids by the time they reach their teen years and suddenly we are thrust into circumstances where we question if we really do know them. They break our heart, do something stupid, make a choice that is against our value system, and even make a decision that we think is against anything we think they are capable of doing.
And then others, usually adults, interject their version of the circumstances and it has us questioning all over again.
What really happened? What is true? And how can I be the adult in the room when I can hardly think? How can I best put calm to the situation when I’m not even calm?
So what do you do when your world seems tilted sideways and you have no idea what the truth really is in a situation?
- Breathe. Deep breaths bring oxygen to the brain which quiets the mind. It brings about a state of calmness.
- Journal. What are your fears? What is keeping you from having peace in the situation? Take inventory of what is going on within you and put words to your feelings. Allow yourself to grieve the situation if needed.
- Pray and Listen. Asking for wisdom and discernment in a situation allows the Holy Spirit to speak to you. Ask Him if there is someone with whom you can share your burden.
- Get perspective. Share with a few trusted friends, counselor, or coach. Others can sometimes see something in the situation that you can’t see because you’re too emotionally attached. It will at least give you different views and help take bring a clarity that you might not have seen.
God showed up in my personal dilemma yesterday with a phone call. A person I have never met wanted me to make a decision on a situation real-time in the moment. I couldn’t do it. And suddenly with the perspective they shared, I knew what God was calling me to do.
I love it when God does that.
This morning I shared bits and pieces with three trusted friends seeking input. They all said the same thing confirming my decision. They put words to their view of the situation that I hadn’t yet discerned. Now I have clarity to act. And I have more peace.
I’m so glad God gives us connection with others to help us on the journey when we can’t fully see.
A dear friend sent me some scriptures recently that I’ve been meditating on as I’ve been in this fog-brained state of consciousness filled with disbelief. If you are in the place where I am, I hope they will renew your strength as you persevere.
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.
But those who HOPE in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, HOPE. And HOPE does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us.
I’m so grateful for those who have been praying for me and our family. Your texts of encouragement and scriptures have been a God-send when I find myself in the pit. Please know that I read them over and over. My journal is filled with the scriptures you’ve sent me and I feel blessed to call you friend.
If you too are having difficulty discerning what is true and could use prayer or a shoulder to dump your bucket on so that you can get perspective, just respond in the comments and I’ll be sure to pray or get in contact.
Thank you for joining me on the journey.
“Let go…and Let God”,