Hair seems to be the topic of conversation this week. Regardless of who I’m talking with, someone makes a hair comment or tells their funny, ridiculous story.
Why is it that we get so emotional about hair? And what is really going on beneath the surface? (pun intended. 🙂 )
Early in the week a friend asked me where I got my hair cut. I was sporting a new sassy hairstyle — she obviously liked it and started talking about her own hair and how drab it made her feel. Hmm…
Observation: We “feel” passionate about our hair. Hair gives us an “identity”.
Hope you will stay with me here, because this really has a point in the parenting realm.
The next day I was sitting with two women doing a video conference. The first thing we all did as we saw our reflection in the camera monitor was fix our hair. And, I’ll admit, look side-to-side to make sure the other person didn’t outdo us. I’ll even go as far as admitting that the small voice inside me was going “I wish I could have hair like hers”.
Observation: Yes, “vanity” is within all of us. We want to “look” and “live up to” whatever we’ve defined as the best.
Now let’s translate this to our teens. After all, in a lot of ways they are no different from us. The want to “look” their best as they have defined it. The want to “live up to” their definition of being accepted. They “feel” passionate about defining who they are and they’ll use hair to do it. Call it “vanity” or pride or self-discovery — yet it is part of determining who they are as they mature into adulthood.
And all those things are also true of us when it comes to our kids. We think that how our kids “look” defines us. We want them to “live up to” our definition of acceptance. And we “feel” passionate about our definition of who we want our kids to be — and it includes their looks — their hair.
Graduation pictures are coming up soon for a lot of seniors and I’m hearing the stories:
She wants pink hair! What can I do?
There is no way I’m letting him get a Mohawk!
It’s jet black and he looks like a thug. His friends don’t want to hang out with him anymore. I’m embarrassed to be seen with him.
And I’ll say it again.
“What’s beneath the surface?”
What is going on with your teen relation-ally?
What are they feeling?
Why is the hair so important to them?
Why is their hair so important to you?
My guess is–it’s not about the hair at all.
Could it be that it is about vanity and pride within us? Ouch!
I pulled out my high school yearbook a few years ago. After the dust cleared I looked at the senior pictures. What did our family laugh about?
The hairstyles!
And as I look through the mounds of pictures that I’ve been sorting to put into albums, the ones that get chosen are the ones that define my kids at one point in time.
My son with the gross orange blond hair as he stood by his friend in the Florida sunshine.
My son with the huge fro because the entire drum line decided to grow their hair out. He was the only one whose band hat would no longer sit appropriately on his head.
My daughter with curls that couldn’t be tamed all because everyone was sporting a perm.
My son the skinhead because that’s what swimmers do.
My suggestion to moms is simple, “don’t worry about the hair”. The hair can be changed tomorrow.
Instead, focus on what is underneath the surface — the feelings, insecurities, and the wanting to fit in. Build the relationship over the conflict. Validate the emotion and sit in their space connecting over what is important to them — not you.
And 10, 25, and even 30 years from now as you look back over those senior pictures, you’ll have a story to tell about that one point in time…
Where it was all about the hair.
And if you’ve focused on what is beneath the surface, you’ll laugh about it together.
Colossians 3:2
Keep your mind on things above, not on worldly things.
I well remember when my kids were little. They would skin their knee and I would kiss their boo boo, give them a hug, and help wipe their tears away. These were tender moments of connection letting my child know that I would always be there for them when things hurt. And then they’d go out to play again and I knew that sometime in the future, they’d be hurt again and the cycle would repeat itself.
And I’m wondering if we have lost sight of those tender moments after the skinned knee.
Do we interject ourselves into their lives so much that they can’t fall down?
Let me explain.
As my kids got older there was more at stake in letting go. With more freedom comes a responsibility that shifts to our kids. And we make decisions on whether or not we will let them skin their knees.
We wonder: Will they make the right choice? Say the right thing? Embarrass us? Do something stupid that could jeopardize their future?
Will the mistake they make be something we can’t fix with a band-aid?
And instead of sending them back out to play, we intervene so they don’t skin their knees again. We worry about their grades, their achievements, their future and we don’t want them to hurt. We want them to feel that they are as good or better than those around them. We want them to be at the top. But we forget that the struggles are what bring about emotional maturity.
Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “That which does not kill us, will make us stronger’. And his statement has been proven true by brain research and the many situations where kids have survived against all odds.
And I’m wondering what we are so afraid of that we can’t let out kids fail. Does it have something to do with us?
I’ve seen parents who are doing their kid’s homework, paying for never ending lessons and sports, trying to make sure that their kids can be the best they can be and intervening when they aren’t the one chosen. We clean their rooms, do their chores, and give them whatever they want because we don’t want them to experience life struggles or we don’t want to take the time to have to help them pick up the pieces when they mess things up.
We don’t want our kids to experience painful experiences like we did as a child so we intervene rather than provide growing opportunities where our job should be to sit back and provide love and emotional support.
By the time these kids are adults, when something goes wrong, many young adults don’t know how to learn from their mistakes, pick themselves up, soothe themselves, or tell themselves that everything will be alright. After all, that’s mom’s job.
Just the other day I heard a story that made me incredibly sad. A mom was on vacation and kept getting calls from her 30-something daughter. “Mom, you have to come home. I need you. I can’t do this without you.”
Like always, this mother came to the rescue. What was supposed to be a two week vacation turned into a two day vacation. She went home to help her daughter. What this 30-something daughter wanted was for Mom to talk to her boss because she was about to be fired.
In essence, “Mom, get me out of this jam I’ve gotten myself into.”
And supermom puts on her red cape and soars in to do a rescue.
I hear stories of mothers who are going to their adult children’s houses to clean, bailing them out of financial situations, and letting them continue to live at home rather than booting them out of the nest. I’ve talked to a host of parents who feel like they are being held hostage by their adult children who always seem to need something from them.
Oh my, what are we doing to ourselves all in the name of “helping” our children?
And my question is, “Have we let them skin their knees enough in the little things of life so that they can handle the bigger things as our kids get older?”
Think about lifting weights, or training for a marathon, or even trying to lose weight. We wouldn’t go into the situation trying to lift the heaviest weights or go out and run over 26 miles the first day. We wouldn’t try to change our diet restricting calories in a way that would set us up for failure.
So why do we do this with our kids?
When we are working toward a goal, we work slowly seeing little successes so that we learn what works and what doesn’t. We celebrate the achievement to spur us on to the next level.
We should be doing the same thing as we set the goal of raising emotionally mature adults. When our kids skin their knee and struggle through life’s problems, it really hurts the first time. But over time they can learn to shake it off as it happens over and over, knowing they’ll be able to overcome the feelings of inadequacy as we stand by and offer emotional support instead of doing things for them.
By seeing their success and failures, our kids build up resilience. They find success. They discover who they are and who God created them to be.
When our kids fail in the little things, we can be there to put on a band-aid of encouragement and dry their tears by listening, showing empathy, and helping them think through what they could have done differently to have a better outcome. If we are there in the little things of life, then we should be able to fully launch them into adulthood rather than having to still be there to pick up the broken pieces of their lives.
Failure on a test or detention for not doing homework is much easier to work through than having to deal with the potential job loss as a 30-something. By working through pain in little chucks, our kids will be more able to handle the bigger knocks of life.
When we are there to support our kids in the inevitable mistakes and failures of life, emotionally offering a tender moment of support just like when we kiss their boo boo and encourage them to go out and play again, our kids are easier to launch in a healthy way. Not only that, but it bonds us. By being there after our kids fall down, we get the awesome job of wiping their tears away and offering encouragement.
James 1:2
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Dear Lord,
Help me to know when I’m doing too much for my kids. Help me to see when I’m taking the reigns and doing for them when they should be doing for themselves. Lord, I see my child’s potential when he doesn’t. I want what is best for him and I also want him to succeed.
Competition in life can be fierce at times and my natural tendency as a mother is to protect. I want my child to soar to the top, but I need to remember that you have created him for purpose. My job is to stay out of Your way and let him undergo the trials you have ordained for him. I need to remember You are writing his story and it may be different than the one I desire.
Please help me to let go so that my child will grow and mature in a healthy way. Help me create an atmosphere in my home that when my child fails, I’m here to offer love, support, and guidance encouraging him to stand up and go back into the arena.
I fail so many times in parenting toward the goal set before me to launch in a healthy way. Give me the ability to make hard choices and let my child skin their knees so that he will be useful to your purpose. Help me release my child to you so that You receive glory from his life.
In the precious name of Jesus. Amen.
Dare you to take inventory and decide where you need to let go. And ask God to help you be successful as you head toward the day of launch.
“Let go…and Let God”,
Do you ever wish you were more aware of the pitfalls you might be making in your parenting? Do you wish you could talk openly with other women about parenting struggles without fear of judgment? Many women do. And that is why the book With All Due Respect was written. It takes our fears and pitfalls and helps us think through what we really desire–deeper connection with our kids and successful launch.
Why not grab a copy today? You could get a group of women together and go through it together as a group or join our on-line eCourse with women around the country.
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As the beginning of the school year dawns a new season in our kids’ lives, maybe you are like most moms and are on the lookout for what you need to be worrying about. I’ll admit that it is the same for me.
As my kids were finishing up those last few months of their senior year of high school, my worry meter was on high alert. While my kids were anticipating their new freedom–heading off to college — I feared the worst.
What if I hadn’t taught them everything they needed to know to survive on their own?
What would happen when I didn’t remind them to make sure their homework was finished?
Would they get up for those 8 am freshman classes when I wasn’t there as a safety net?
Yes, I knew they could run the washing machine, but would they forget and leave their clothes in the dryer to be found by someone else–and taken?
My list was endless as I watched the countdown until college dorm move-in began.
I found myself becoming more and more unsure of their success. Little things they would do would remind me of their immaturity. The things they didn’t do were reminders of things I had failed to teach them.
And, of course, my type A personality would not let me fail.
And I found myself doing the opposite of what I should have been doing.
I went into teacher mode — nagging them about every detail of the things I thought they should be aware of before they went off on their own.
Now mind you, I didn’t see it as nagging. I thought I was helping them develop survival skills. But instead of nurturing the relationship, I was in hyper-vigilant mode assessing every detail of their lives under the microscope of future success.
And what my kids discovered was:
Proverbs 27:15
A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike.
Your kids might not be heading off to college this fall, but do you find yourself constantly reminding them of things they need to do? If so, let me ask you a question.
What are your parenting fears? And I want to encourage you to make a list of those fears.
Once you’ve done that, ask yourself “what idol is attached to that fear?“
Whether we realize it or not, all of us have dreams and expectations for our kids. We want success to come their way. And sometimes those dreams and expectations become an idol that we consciously or unconsciously give voice to — hence we nag our kids about the things we idolize.
Do we idolize a perfectly clean room?
Or straight A’s?
Or siblings who get along all the time?
Or perfect kids which translates to us being perfect parents?
In my case I was idolizing success for my kids as they moved off to college. Oh my, how would I handle it if my kids dropped out? Or turned all their tighty-whities pink in the laundry? Or didn’t make it to all their classes?
My fears turned to a doomsday mentality as I translated my kids’ potential failures as my failure as a parent. And it stifled our connection until I recognized the toxicity I was adding to the relationship.
Dare youto identify your fears as you parent your tweens and teens and make course corrections before it is too late. After all, if they do turn their underwear pink, they might call and ask for some advice on how to make sure they do their laundry right the next time.
“Let go…and let God”,
With the start of school, now is a great time to grab a few friends and go through With All Due Respect together. This book will not only draw you closer to God but will hone how you think about your role as a parent. And who knows, even if you aren’t struggling in your parenting, I’m guessing you know someone who is. Why not take an opportunity to connect with this mom and help her with a difficult season in her life? After all, none of us get it right 100% of the time. To start your group now, click here.
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I hear it often from women– almost daily. The excuses, I mean. The “I don’t deserve, I wish it were better, If only I could be more, I should have,” and the list goes on. In their mind, they never quite measure up. And they start owning everything that goes with parenting. They own the undone chores, or the behavior of their child, or the homework, the grades, or any wrong choice of their teen.
And I wonder what we need to be doing differently as parents so the next generation of moms-to-be (those kids under our roof right now) don’t leave a similar legacy to our grandchildren.
You see, those self-doubts most likely stem from childhood–a childhood where the now mom (maybe you?) didn’t feel like she measured up. She wasn’t all that she should be as seen through the eyes of her parents or teachers. So her beloved role of motherhood becomes an idol for perfection. She wants to get this right so she tries a little too hard to help her child measure up and be perfect according to the standard her parents set for her.
Sometimes we push too hard, or expect too much of our kids, or on the other end of the spectrum help too much all because we want to be the successful parent. I’m still wondering if we’re trying to reach that imaginary ideal so that we can receive our own parents’ approval, or our child’s teacher’s approval, or the approval of our friends or someone else.
Maybe our parenting is focused on us rather than what is best for the child.
Ouch! Yes, I know that hurts.
Over the last ten years, I’ve learned to look at parenting through a different lens. But let me first share what I’ve learned by observing two moms.
Almost two decades ago I watched as two mothers each with daughters the same age as mine parented in very different ways. One mother had what I will call an “I love my daughter and I want to point out the good in her so that she becomes a healthy, functioning adult.” The other mother had an “I love my daughter and I need to let my little girl recognize she is a sinner pointing out those sins so that she can get them under control. If I do that, she’ll be a healthy, functioning adult.”
As you read those, I hope you can see that one was looking at parenting from a positive perspective while the latter was looking at her role as mom through a negative lens. If you look closely, they are two extremes.
I know that each of these christian mothers loved their daughters dearly. But one focused on the good while the other was focused on any wrongdoing.
If we want to have influence on our kids, and if we want to change the culture in a world where right and wrong are not easily defined, we need a little of both of these moms actually. We need the mom who can point out the good in a way that breeds confidence and instills a bond in such a way that respect and mutual admiration is established. By doing so we develop in our child a willingness to be open to our teaching because we’ve created a place of safety. Our children will be more apt to share their mistakes too because we provide a place where mistakes aren’t looked at as “an unpardonable sin” but as an opportunity to learn.
But let’s face it, there do need to be times when a teen’s sin becomes obvious and action needs to be taken. If we are always focused on the good, what should we do then?
That’s when we should ask questions.
Sometimes stating the obvious creates defensiveness in the other person. The brain is wired to automatically think “no” as a way of self-preservation so always pointing out our child’s sin, makes our teens want to revolt and do the opposite. By asking questions we can help them discover what may be obvious to us.
Self-discovery through questions helps our teen recognize their wrongdoings on their own without the sting of our judgment. The “WWJD — What would Jesus do?” can take on a totally new meaning when we gently ask our kids what the right thing to do would have been.
If we are gentle in our teaching, helping our children discover their shortcomings rather than making mountains out of what should be molehills, our children will learn to create their own standard to measure up to–hopefully the biblical standard. Instead of taking on a rebellious spirit or a spirit of never being or doing enough, they will be better equipped to recognize both their strengths and their shortcomings. And, then hopefully they won’t measure their success based on the success of their children in the future.
Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Don’t we want our children leaving our homes never having to question whether they measure up? Don’t we want them to feel our unconditional love even when they don’t always get it right? Don’t we want them focused on God’s standard for behavior rather than ours or the world’s?
Dare you to ask yourself some tough questions about how you parent in your home and what you are doing to set your children up to be a healthy, functioning adult.
“Let go…and Let God”,
For those who are tired of the conflict with your kids and want better relationships, our Deflating Defensiveness Training Retreat: A Conflict Resolution Workshop is only a few weeks away. Deadline for signup is May 15. We guarantee that you’ll walk away with new skills and a new way of thinking about parenting–about all your relationships. You’ll also strengthen your relationship with Him!
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Have you ever wished you could put your kids in a bubble until they reached adulthood? Maybe you’ve felt that if you moved to the middle of nowhere your tweens wouldn’t be hurt or scarred by those ‘mean kids’.
There was a time when I thought moving to the middle of nowhere would simplify life — that way I could be the primary influence in the life of my tweens and teens freeing them from those kids who didn’t know how to treat others.
Having survived the junior high and high school years with four children, I often wanted to run away from the culture and the people who could emotionally hurt my kids. I remember having to deal with issues that took place in my home with people who lived in close proximity.
Like the time a 12 year old came into our home and stole a gaming system, holding my 11 year old hostage with threat of harm if he snitched.
Like the time a neighbor came over to get my daughter to show off her new birthday present and proceeded to send her back home because she wasn’t invited to the party.
Like the time my 15 year old’s best friend told him that he didn’t want to hang out with him anymore.
Like the nasty breakup where a girlfriend decided to do mean things to tear my son down.
Or the time I realized that my 11 year old daughter who was used to hanging out with boys because of her brothers was being used by a 16 year old girl to gain access to all the potential male friendships in the neighborhood–including my son.
Yes, it makes us want to run away and hide. We want to protect our children from the horrible things called life. But, we need to remember what scripture says…
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
Rather than put them in a bubble or move to the middle of nowhere, I believe there is a better way. After all, our kids are going to encounter difficult relationships — for the rest of their lives.
I’ve discovered that by the time my kids hit junior high, it’s not mine to fix. Even though I’d love to take my kid’s problem to the other kid’s parent or talk to that mean kid myself, tweens and teens need to learn to deal with the difficult people in their lives on their own. I’ve also discovered that pain brings teaching opportunities–and maturity. If we can look at the offenses made against our kids as a launching place for discussion, it can help us be the safety net our kids need against a cruel world. It helps them connect with us.
Truth is if you find that place in the middle of nowhere, or could put your kids in a bubble, they would grow up, but would they be mature adults? At some point we all have to deal with the real world.
Home should be a place of refuge from the storms that can derail our kids. Our job is to be there to soothe the emotion and help them deal with the pain. We should also give them some skills for action.
So what are some of the ways we can help our kids when they encounter those ‘mean kid’ moments?
Let them vent and work through their emotion. A shoulder to cry on assuring them that you’ve been there and understand will go a long way.
Ask your child how they think they should handle it. Encourage them to deal with it rather than avoid the situation.
Offer up other suggestions if they seem open to your input.
Resist the urge to fix it yourself or let your child talk you into fixing it.
Role play different scenarios with them. Let them try their conversation with you playing the ‘mean person’ so that they feel prepared to deal with the issue.
Let them know you will be praying for them to have a good conversation and that God will intervene.
Helping our kids face those mean people in their lives will help them mature and be ready to work through emotional relationship issues with their co-workers, bosses, spouses, and friends as they move into adulthood. Know that the God of the universe will allow our children to experience things that He can use for His purpose in future times.
Dare youto equip your kids in solving their relationship problems. If you do, you’ll gain stronger relationship with them and they’ll see you as a source of wisdom. Not only that, but you’ll equip them for their future as mature adults.
“Let go…and let God”
Sign up for our on-line eCourse which starts September 26, 2016. You’ll have an opportunity to go through the new book With All Due Respect:40 days to a more fulfilling relationship with your teens and tweens with me and a group of moms just like yourself. Learn and interact while gaining new communication skills. Be sure to get in on the discounted price while it lasts. I’ll be available for personal interaction in the class. Hope you’ll join me. Click here for more information.
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Several years ago I was cornered as we walked into church on Sunday morning. I watched another mom reach out to my junior high son just steps ahead of me. “Not so fast,” she said loud enough for me to hear.”We need to talk with your mom.” Not even allowing him to speak, she ushered my 13 year old son over to me. I watched as he sheepishly bowed his head in silence knowing what was coming next.
“You would not believe what your son did yesterday!” she hissed. “Do you know the kind of things that your son is doing and bragging about it? I heard what he did to your poor cat! Not only that, but he is laughing about it with his friends. You need to know that what he is doing is absolutely sick! I heard all about it when he was in my car yesterday. Did you know he stuck…”
And the rant continued.
Luckily, this was not my first time encountering one-of-thosemoms. In the past, I had handled these situations all wrong, frustrated that my child had embarrassed me in front of another adult; horrified that my child had been caught doing something wrong. In the past, I would have questioned my child in front of the other adult and made sure that he had offered up an adequate apology.
Not this time.
This time I was more concerned about my relationship with my son rather than whether or not I looked like a “good” mom who had her kid under control.
I had finally unraveled the truth from the lie.
TRUTH: What my child does is not necessarily a reflection of me.
LIE: If my child does something bad/wrong, there must be something wrong with my parenting.
How many times do we react to something that another adult tells us about our child because we believe the lie. Do we continue the judgment without giving our child an opportunity to share his side of the story? Do we sometimes assume that the other adult is right–after all they’re an adult? But can their perspective be skewed based on their kid’s personality or their family’s determination of acceptable behavior?
“Lord, help me to take a deep breath and walk humbly with you in this situation.” I muttered under my breath as I faced that mom.
This time I was more prepared to salvage the relationship with my son rather than prove anything. I also wanted this mom to not be offended by my reaction.
“Jane, thanks for taking the kids to the youth event yesterday. I know that junior high boys can be difficult at times. Thanks too for being concerned for my son. He and I will be talking about it.”
The end.
No blubbering about how difficult it is to deal with junior-high boys.
No over-the-top apology.
No embarrassment that my son was now on her radar and I might be considered one of those parents.
No chastisement of my son in front of her.
No questioning his side of the story.
Just, the end.
Quickly, I swept my son out of the woman’s sight with arms around his back. When we were out of sight I laughingly asked him, “Are you alright?”
With a sheepish nod, he replied, “Mom, it wasn’t like that at all!
“It’s okay, son, we’ll work through it. I know you well enough that there has to be another side to this story. We’ll talk about it after lunch this afternoon. Don’t worry about it. Just go enjoy Sunday school with your friends.”
He gave me a slight smile as I winked at him, assuring him that we’d get through the ordeal with that mom.
Thankfully, I had learned through scripture and experience that my son deserved a fair trial.
Micah 6:8b
…And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
As I suspected, that mom’s version was far from what I thought my son was capable of conjuring up on his own.
“Son, so tell me what happened yesterday when you were in the car.”
As my son rattled off the events of the previous day, the light bulb began to illuminate. Oh my, these weren’t his stories–these were stories his dad had told him about pranks he remembered being played during his college days 25 years ago!
I wasn’t sure if I was more upset that my husband had actually shared those stories with our kids or horrified to think that my son might have actually considered doing something similar on his own.
“Son, did you ever do that to our cat?” I ventured.
“Mom, you know how it is with us guys. We sometimes do stupid stuff, and I will admit that one time I stuck her in the old microwave out in the garage. But it wasn’t plugged in! We intended to get her out right away, but you remember, the door got stuck and Dad had to take it apart to get the cat out. I felt horrible! I would never intentionally hurt Duchess!”
“It was the same way, yesterday,” he continued. “Mark, James, and I laughed retelling the story of Duchess, and one thing led to another, and James told us what his dad had done to the dog when it died, and the stories just kept getting more and more exaggerated. Mrs. Gibson thought they were all true and started yelling at us before we had a chance to explain.”
“So she doesn’t know the truth?” I asked, trying to hide the laughter that was welling up inside me.
“I guess not.”
As we put together a plan for him to redeem himself with Mrs. Gibson, I thanked God that I had kept my cool with my son after her reprimand. My husband and I would have a good laugh about this one tonight behind closed doors.
Boys at this age can get themselves in the strangest predicaments!
Remember, our kid’s behavior is not always about us. When we are confronted by our child’s misbehavior our first inclination might be to “prove” that we are good parents by giving other parents what they want. However, parenting is about helping our children know that we will always believe in their innocence until they are proven guilty. If we listen to both sides, before passing judgment, we have a better chance of building relationship even through the trials of the tween and teen years.
Dare you to ask questions next time a situation appears to incriminate your child, holding your tongue until all sides have spoken. Be sure to find the humor in the situation as well.
https://debbiehitchcock.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/WhatLIES.jpg800800Debbiehttps://debbiehitchcock.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/debbie_hitchcock_horizontal-PERSPECTIVE-COACHING-ONLY-transparent-300x154.pngDebbie2016-07-13 04:33:542016-07-11 20:41:46Do You Believe the Lie?
