Dare 18 – The Respect Dare – Do You Leave the Front Door Open? – For Parents of 20-Somethings

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Twenty-eight year old Ashley sighed as she gave her husband Derrick a hug, “Guess I really should go home and spend the day with Mom and Dad for Father’s Day. I know that I’m supposed to honor him, but it is so hard given how he treated us when we were dating.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” replied Derrick.

“Wow! That’s so sweet of you given how he acted toward you at our wedding. I love you, but I won’t subject you to his wrath.”

“Honey, I can handle it. Besides, I got the prize.”

“Aww…you are so sweet. I’d say we both won,” she whispered tenderly. “Let me think about it. The hard part is that Dad and I always had such a special relationship. I feel like when I go home I can’t be ‘Daddy’s little girl’ anymore.”

“You’ve got me now,” he laughed as he scooped her up in a tight bear hug and gently threw her on the couch. She laughed as he started tickling her and gently nuzzling her behind the ear.

After their passionate kiss, she replied, “I’m glad I chose you. If I had to choose…I knew you were the right choice.”

With that comment the tears came flooding. “Derrick, why did he make me choose?”

Later that evening Derrick broached the subject again. “Ashley, maybe it makes sense for you to go visit your parents by yourself. Please know that I’m more than willing to go with you, but maybe if you go by yourself, your dad won’t feel so threatened. Maybe you can talk about it. Maybe…maybe he’ll come to accept me…accept us as part of the family.”

“I can certainly try. I just hope he’ll listen. Maybe I’ll call Mom and share with her what I’m hoping for with Dad. Maybe she can talk some sense into him before I get there. Derrick, you are such a good man. Thank you for suggesting that I go home and work through this with my parents. I’ve always dreamed of having the opportunity to take our future children to grandma and grandpa’s house and play games and have fun there. The way it was when I was growing up. Now, I’m almost afraid of what Dad will say if I do go home. I’m afraid that it will stir up the anger all over again. I guess that I thought that no matter what I’d always be ‘Daddy’s little girl’.”

“Ashley, just remember that you’ve got me. You’ve got us. Whatever happens at your parent’s house doesn’t change the fact that I love you. I’ll be praying that your Dad will get the fact that you still want a relationship with him. Honey, I’ll never make you choose between him and me. I know that there is room in your heart to love both of us.”

Ephesians 1:3-10 ESV

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,

Have we been so hurt by our adult children’s choices that we have failed to extend grace to our 20-somethings? Have we made it hard for them to return through our front door? Do we sit in judgment forgetting that our children still need our love? Have we forgiven them for the choices they make…even when we don’t think they deserve it?

Dare you to have open dialog with your 20-somethings to see if there are open wounds of the past that need to be lanced so they can heal.

“Let go…and let God,”


Hope you will join Nina Roesner as she provides insight on marriage and Leah Heffner as she blogs to wives with little people as we go through The Respect Dare together.

 


The Respect Dare – Dare 18 – Does Fear Have a Grip on You? – For Parents of Tweens & Teens

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“Cassie, you’re not going to that party! You know how we feel about these high school parties. We don’t know the parents or the students,” Marsha responded. “We’ve got plans that evening anyway.”

“Why is it we always have plans when I want to do something? What is it we’re doing?”

“I’m waiting for your dad to let me know. I’m guessing we’ll go to eat after the game. You’re welcome to invite a friend to go with us.”

“Mom, everyone in the band always goes to the party. All my friends will be there. They are always chaperoned by band parents so what’s the big deal? You act as if something bad will be going on! It’s like you always plan something so I can’t have any fun with my friends!”

And with that Cassie stormed to her bedroom and slammed the door.

A couple of hours later, Brandon, Marsha’s high school junior, came bounding into the laundry room. “Mom, I’m heading over to Adam’s for a few hours to work on Chemistry.”

“How are you getting there?”

“You said you were going to be doing laundry the rest of the afternoon. I thought I would just take your car since you won’t be driving it. Is that okay?”

“Where does he live?”

“Not too far. He’s about 10 minutes away toward Saltair.”

“I don’t know, son. Maybe I should take you. Those roads are pretty narrow and that bridge at the bottom of that curve scares me. I’ll just grab my purse and take you over there. I might need the car anyway.”

“Mom, you’ve got to be kidding! I’m 17 for heaven’s sake. Why can’t I just drive over there myself?”

“Brandon, my job is to keep you safe. I need to pick up a gallon of milk anyway, so this way I can get it on the way back.”

“Mom, I’ll just bring some home when we’re through studying.”

“Honey, I need it to fix dinner.”

“I know you are just making that up so you have to drive me!”
he flung the words at her as he grabbed his book bag.

As Marsha and Ron were climbing into bed that evening, Ron asked, “Honey, what was going on at dinner tonight? Both Cassie and Adam were in such foul moods. Anything I should know about?”

“I’m just tired of both of them asking to do things that are just not safe!” she mumbled. I feel like I always have to be on guard to make sure I have an alternative to their request. Cassie wants to go to one of those high school parties after Friday night’s game and today I had to drive Brandon over to a friend’s house because he thought he could drive on that narrow winding road down by the river! It just exhausts me! They just don’t understand all the horrible things that can happen to them.

“So I’m assuming both of them were upset because you told them both “no” to their requests?”

“Yes! I always have to be the bad guy.”

“Marsha, Adam is 17 and Cassie will be 16 in a couple of months. When are you going to let go?”

“So you think I should have said “yes”! You’ve got to be kidding! I’m not going to let my 15 year old daughter go to a party after the game where I don’t know the parents or the kids! And Adam needs more driving experience before he drives on that road!”

“Honey, so when are we going to let go?”

I Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

As parents, some of us have more difficulty than others of letting our children grow up. Part of it could be our upbringing if we grew up in a home where fear was passed on to us by our parents. Others of us struggle because of something horrific that has happened, so we constantly have a nagging sense of fear that is hard to get past. Whatever the circumstance, I would encourage to ask yourself if it is time to start letting go. Our tweens and teens need to know that we trust them. They need to know that we want to protect them…but beware of holding on too tight.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Dare you to assess whether you respect your tweens and teens enough to loosen the reins if you are holding on out of fear.

“Let go…and let God,”


Hope you will join Nina Roesner as she provides insight on marriage and Leah Heffner as she blogs to wives with little people as we go through The Respect Dare together.