Tag Archive for: fear

The Respect Dare – Dare 18 – Does Fear Have a Grip on You? – For Parents of Tweens & Teens

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“Cassie, you’re not going to that party! You know how we feel about these high school parties. We don’t know the parents or the students,” Marsha responded. “We’ve got plans that evening anyway.”

“Why is it we always have plans when I want to do something? What is it we’re doing?”

“I’m waiting for your dad to let me know. I’m guessing we’ll go to eat after the game. You’re welcome to invite a friend to go with us.”

“Mom, everyone in the band always goes to the party. All my friends will be there. They are always chaperoned by band parents so what’s the big deal? You act as if something bad will be going on! It’s like you always plan something so I can’t have any fun with my friends!”

And with that Cassie stormed to her bedroom and slammed the door.

A couple of hours later, Brandon, Marsha’s high school junior, came bounding into the laundry room. “Mom, I’m heading over to Adam’s for a few hours to work on Chemistry.”

“How are you getting there?”

“You said you were going to be doing laundry the rest of the afternoon. I thought I would just take your car since you won’t be driving it. Is that okay?”

“Where does he live?”

“Not too far. He’s about 10 minutes away toward Saltair.”

“I don’t know, son. Maybe I should take you. Those roads are pretty narrow and that bridge at the bottom of that curve scares me. I’ll just grab my purse and take you over there. I might need the car anyway.”

“Mom, you’ve got to be kidding! I’m 17 for heaven’s sake. Why can’t I just drive over there myself?”

“Brandon, my job is to keep you safe. I need to pick up a gallon of milk anyway, so this way I can get it on the way back.”

“Mom, I’ll just bring some home when we’re through studying.”

“Honey, I need it to fix dinner.”

“I know you are just making that up so you have to drive me!”
he flung the words at her as he grabbed his book bag.

As Marsha and Ron were climbing into bed that evening, Ron asked, “Honey, what was going on at dinner tonight? Both Cassie and Adam were in such foul moods. Anything I should know about?”

“I’m just tired of both of them asking to do things that are just not safe!” she mumbled. I feel like I always have to be on guard to make sure I have an alternative to their request. Cassie wants to go to one of those high school parties after Friday night’s game and today I had to drive Brandon over to a friend’s house because he thought he could drive on that narrow winding road down by the river! It just exhausts me! They just don’t understand all the horrible things that can happen to them.

“So I’m assuming both of them were upset because you told them both “no” to their requests?”

“Yes! I always have to be the bad guy.”

“Marsha, Adam is 17 and Cassie will be 16 in a couple of months. When are you going to let go?”

“So you think I should have said “yes”! You’ve got to be kidding! I’m not going to let my 15 year old daughter go to a party after the game where I don’t know the parents or the kids! And Adam needs more driving experience before he drives on that road!”

“Honey, so when are we going to let go?”

I Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

As parents, some of us have more difficulty than others of letting our children grow up. Part of it could be our upbringing if we grew up in a home where fear was passed on to us by our parents. Others of us struggle because of something horrific that has happened, so we constantly have a nagging sense of fear that is hard to get past. Whatever the circumstance, I would encourage to ask yourself if it is time to start letting go. Our tweens and teens need to know that we trust them. They need to know that we want to protect them…but beware of holding on too tight.

Philippians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Dare you to assess whether you respect your tweens and teens enough to loosen the reins if you are holding on out of fear.

“Let go…and let God,”


Hope you will join Nina Roesner as she provides insight on marriage and Leah Heffner as she blogs to wives with little people as we go through The Respect Dare together.

 

 

 


Imposter?

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Plastering a fake smile on my face, I joined my Thursday morning small group. I had been in this Bible study of over 50 women for a couple of years, but the leader had decided to change things up two weeks before, placing us in random small groups. Of course, I ended up in a group with mostly people I didn’t know. Ugh! I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be here. I enjoyed the comfort of the way things were.

“With the way I am feeling today, maybe this is a good thing,” I thought to myself. “No one in this group would need to know my true story. Maybe it would be easier to put on a persona with these women rather than share the raw feelings of being an inept mother. Today I could pretend…”

“Isn’t that what you always do?” I heard the small voice from somewhere in my brain. “No one knows who you really are anyway.”

I sighed as my thoughts continued. “Guess I’m getting pretty good at playing the imposter. No one in this church would want to have anything to do with me, especially if they knew what was going on in our home.”

As the morning progressed, we started sharing in our small groups. I was amazed at the depth of pain Carrie shared as she told how her husband had left her and their three sons. I found it unbelievable that she was not crying, not angry, not bitter…she seemed at peace. “Wow, the strength of this woman.”

Laura was the next to speak. “Pray for my 22 year old daughter. The guy she is living with has recently been diagnosed with…”

“Oh, my, I can’t believe she said that out loud,” rattled through my head. A guy her daughter is living with…whoa! Carrie quickly comforted Laura with her words as I sat wondering how much Laura and I might be able to relate to each other. We both had daughters who seemed to be struggling.

092812_2055_Pretender1.jpgAs my turn came around, just as I had started to share a little about my wonderful family, my cell phone started to vibrate. I ignored it.
I continued my story…the cell phone continued to vibrate. I attempted to ignore it again.

By the third time, I mumbled, “I better take this. One of my teens is home sick today.”

I didn’t recognize the number, but as I heard the other voice on the phone, I began to shake uncontrollably. All my fears came rushing to the forefront of my mind. Quickly, I left the room so I could talk in private.

“I just wanted to call to make sure you are home,” the voice echoed from the other end. I was shocked! It was her voice…the voice of my daughter’s latest boyfriend’s mother. “How did she get my number?” I wondered. I wasn’t exactly thrilled that my daughter was dating her son. I had lots of concerns…no, major concerns!

“Well, uh, no, I’m not. Tamara, is there a problem?”

“I just think you should be home if you can. I’m at work already. I understand that both of our kids are home sick today. I just thought they might be up to something…”

“Thanks for letting me know. I’ll head home now.” I muttered as tears started falling uncontrollably. Quickly, I headed back to my group to get my purse and keys. The ladies were praying…praying for me!

As I quietly sat down to reach my purse, tears still streaming down my face, they all looked up with expectancy. I didn’t have a chance to hide. I was too emotional to even think about putting my mask back on. It was the moment of truth when I shared…really shared…my thoughts…my pain…my ineptness as a mother…and now my most recent concerns…

With tears streaming down my face, tissues were being placed into my shaking hands. Several women had tears in their eyes…especially Laura. I realized that she could relate to my pain the most. She put her arms around me and began praying as the others joined in. Calm began to replace my churning stomach. Peace began to fill my mind.

“You need to go now, sweetie,” they chorused. “We’ll be praying. See you next week.”

I prayed all the way home bracing myself for what I might find and rehearsing how I’d react if I found them together.

 As I entered the house, all was quiet. I tiptoed upstairs as my daughter walked out of her room. “Oh, did you go somewhere?” she mumbled wiping sleep from her eyes.

“I went to Bible study.”

“Oh, I just woke up. I really feel awful,” she sniffled.

“Did you know that Brad was home sick today?” I asked.

“No,” she replied. “How do you know?”

As I later replayed the events of the day on my knees, it occurred to me that I was living my life in fear. Fear of what my kids were doing, fear of their choices, fear of what people might think…of them…of me. Honestly, I was afraid of being judged as a parent…therefore, the mask.

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13.

BOTTOM LINE: If we continue to wear the mask, living in fear, we lose the opportunity of being strengthened by others that God has already refined who have walked before us in the parenting process.

Dare you to ask God for a friend with whom you can share your parenting woes.

Double dare you to schedule a time to meet with the friend.

Bravely walking the journey with you…without the mask…

“Let go and let God…”

Debbie