Tag Archive for: I want to be a better parent

What’s Your Parenting Perspective?

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In the midst of a pandemic I see fear almost everywhere I turn.  From the grocery store isles with people backing away so others don’t get too close, to the salons with plastic shower curtains creating the great divide, the need for hope is apparent.  This post isn’t about whether we should be firm in isolating our kids or allowing them to go on with life as if nothing is happening in this crazy world we live in.  It is about looking at our perspective as parents.

Perspective is all about the lens we see life through.  Let’s face it, if we have blue colored lenses, we see blue; if we look through green colored lenses we see green. 

Our perspective is based on our values, our life experiences, and what our parents and teachers have taught us.

Are we living in fear?

Are we allowing our kids to be kids?

Are we so focused on their well-being and future success that we forget to laugh with them? 

Are we so focused on what could happen, that we forget to savor the moments?

I ran across a post on a FaceBook page the other day and got permission from Jason Hartanov to share part of it.  It’s one perspective on life as a parent.

 

TO THE KIDS WHO TP’D (toilet papered) MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT

–Thank you for restoring my hope in the youth

–Thank you for bringing fun in a way too serious world

–Thank you for finding a great use of the excess toilet paper people bought during Covid

–Thank you for allowing me to bring tolerance to an increasingly intolerant society

–Thank you for targeting my house because you like my daughters 

–Thank you for making me smile and reminding me of the best days of my childhood

–Thank you for giving us all a break from the issues in this world

–Thank you for bringing light in the darkness

THANK YOU FOR BEING KIDS

THANK YOU FOR MODELING PLAY

THANK YOU FOR SHOWING CREATIVITY

THANK YOU FOR EMBRACING LIFE IS SHORT

KIDS–next time, ask me for more TP so we can fill in the gaps–the trees are too bare, the roof has little to no paper, and you left half-rolls sitting on the ground.

Ask me for help, so I can show you how to coordinate an attack and TP the right way.

EXCITED TODAY to clean up the mess and smile the whole time.

THANK YOU for spreading joy to me and my girls.

I applaud you.

My prayer is that as you read this you’ll take inventory of how you might have responded if your house had been TP’d.  Go with your first gut reaction.  What does it tell you about your parenting perspective?

Are you too serious?

Do you know how to have fun and play?

What color of lenses do you see the world?

Ecclesiastes 8:15

So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.

“Let go…and Let God”,

Do you wish you had a different perspective in your parenting?  Are you looking for more fulfillment and joy in the life you live?  What needs to change in your home? Email me if you’d like to know how to find a more abundant life as you parent.  Perspective Coaching is all about helping parents of tweens, teens, and 20-somethings discover what might be missing as they parent.  You can email me debbiehitchcock@gettingperspective.com

Is Your Home Filled With Laughter?

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When our kids are little it is easy to laugh at the cute things they say and do.  Even during those early years of school we watch with excitement as they encounter new experiences and are filled with wonder.  And then as our kids become tweens and teens the climate in most homes changes.  Instead of laughter, life gets serious — sometimes too serious.

Maybe it’s our kids pushing our patience or their mouthiness that makes us as parents feel the need to control.  I think sometimes we realize that our kids are no longer those sweet, innocent children any more and we become fearful of the possibilities and reality of what could happen if they make the wrong choices.  We push them to strive for excellence in school or in sports because college is looming up ahead and we come to the realization that someone needs to pay for it.

Whatever the circumstance with your teens, take time to fill your home with laughter.

I was talking to a mom a few weeks ago and could feel the weight of heaviness resting on her shoulders.  She was giving me a list of all the things her teenage son wasn’t doing.  It was obvious that mom had certain expectations that her son was not fulfilling.  Blame was heavy as we talked.  She no longer found joy in this son, only condemnation.  Laughter was the furthest thing from her mind.

I’ll admit I’ve been in that place at times.  When our kids are doing things that cause us fear and anxiety it is easy to be so afraid that we can’t find any joy in any moment.  At times it seems they aren’t listening to anything we ask them to do.  That’s when it is time to take our thoughts captive.  It’s when we need to be able to think quickly on our feet in order to turn the difficult moment into a memorable opportunity filled with laughter.  It’s where we show our kids that the joy of the Lord is our strength.

So what can that look like?

  1. When there is conflict in the house, have a family code word.  In our house there is a code word that will bring laughter to any situation.  If we hear siblings arguing, either Dave or I will enter the room and quietly watch the verbal match.  When the right opportunity presents itself, we say the code word and immediately change the subject.  Inevitably, our kids will look at each other, then they’ll look at us, and laughter will fill the air.  Everyone in the family knows the code word and everyone has permission to use it.  It means unhook the bickering and laugh!
  2. Find the positive in every situation.  Even disaster can have a silver lining if we take time to look.  If your teen flunks a class, he’ll have opportunity to prove himself again and learn from the mistake.  If your daughter wrecks the car, she’ll most likely become a more careful driver.  If your teen is still breathing, that is the positive — find joy in that moment.
  3. Be mindful of the now.  Too many times we fearfully get wrapped up in what could happen in the future — won’t get into college, won’t get a scholarship, will end up doing something stupid like alcohol or drugs, or whatever is your greatest fear.  Work on the now and the future will take care of itself.  Find joy in the moment and love your teen right where he is.  Remind yourself that the future is in God’s hands.
  4. Find time to do fun things with your teens.  You know your kids better than anyone.  Try doing some of the things that they like to do with them.  Chances are you’ll bring laughter to the room as you try to lip sync or play one of their video games with them.  I’ll never forget being in the mall with my son as we both tried to do DDR (Dance, Dance Revolution for those who don’t know what that is :))  My son never laughed so hard as I drew a crowd in the mall as the worst player ever.  It’s a great memory for both of us.
  5. Take negative comments and situations and turn them into laughter moments.  My husband, Dave, is the expert at this in our home and I’m working hard on it.  When one of our now 20-somethings comes out with a sharp accusation or negative comment, Dave will take it and put a spin of laughter on it.  Just like Dare 15 in With All Due Respect, quick thinking with a dose of humor can turn a difficult moment into an opportunity to teach respect.

Proverbs 31:25 (NLT)

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Nehemiah 8:10b

“Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

Dare you to not take life quite so seriously when your kids become tweens and teens.  Humor in the difficulties of life can bring opportunity to model respect and provide teaching opportunities much more than lectures and condemnation.  

“Let go…and Let God”,

Want a way to connect with other Moms?  Why not grab a copy of With All Due Respect: 40 Days to a More Fulfilling Relationship with Your Teens & Tweens and go through the book together.  Whether your kids are 9 or 29, you’ll find the questions will apply to your parenting.  You can also connect with us in the With All Due Respect eCourse on Facebook.  It’s free for a limited time.

Here’s what Shaunti Feldhahn, Social Researcher and Best Selling Author of For Women Only had to say:

“A spectacular tool for every mom who has heard the advice “be purposeful,” and wondered, “But what does that mean?  This ultra-practical guidebook shows each of us what it means.  Step by step, day by day, this amazing resource will walk each of us into being the godly moms we all deeply want to be, to have the impact on our kids we are all longing for.”