Who’s in the Dog House?

Dianne kept telling herself, “I can’t believe we just did it again!  How come that kid always outsmarts us?!”

She and Derrick thought they had come up with the perfect consequence for their daughter’s new endeavors to test the curfew limits they had put in place.  After all, it wasn’t like they were over-the-top strict. She had talked to several other parents with kids similar in age to Kari.  The curfew in their home fell right in line with what others seemed to be doing with their kids.  “Kari just seems to be one of those kids who think that the rules don’t apply to her,” Dianne lamented.

“If you come in late, then you’ll lose your ability to drive to school the next day,” Dianne and her husband  had  both agreed.  “Second curfew miss, two days.  If you hit number three, you’ll lose the car for a week.”

It really seemed like a fair way to solve the problem.  Both Dianne and Derrick had felt confident that it should work, especially since Kari liked her new found independence with her driver’s license and she hated riding the school bus.

The first time Kari missed curfew after the new rules were in place, Dianne had an appointment that took her past the school.  “Mom, you are going right past the school, can you just drop me off?”

Kari had asked politely, so Dianne decided to give her a break from the bus.  “After all, I am going right past the school,” she rationalized.  “I’d rather do that than have to wait to make sure she gets on the bus.”

The second time Kari missed curfew, she road the bus the first day.  But day number two went south.  Kari wasted her time that morning and didn’t make the bus.  “Mom, I have a chemistry test today!  If I miss, Mr. Robinson will make me take the more difficult test tomorrow!  I can’t bomb this test or I’ll get a “C” in chemistry this semester!  You don’t want me to do that do you?”

And with the last plea, Dianne was fishing in the hall closet to get a jacket and find her keys.  She gathered up her 4 year old to put him in the car seat.

As Kari pushed the curfew limit for the third time, the same game played out.  Kari missed the bus yet again and, as fate would have it, the 4 year old was running a fever and Dianne had spent most of the night rocking her son.  She wasn’t even dressed to take Kari to school.  “Mom, I have to be there! Our group is presenting our project in English.  I have all the props!”

Exhaustion took over and Dianne’s defenses were down.  “Go ahead and take the car, we’ll decide how to handle it later,” she wearily responded.

Galatians 6:7

 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.  

Too many times as parents, we don’t think about how the consequences might impact us  or how we are teaching our children to manipulate circumstances to go their way.  We end up putting ourselves in the dog house because tweens and teens have this uncanny way of pulling on our heartstrings.  We want their success and we’ll do anything to help them achieve it.

Dare you to respect  both you and your child enough to follow through on consequences the way they were intended.  They will learn limits and you’ll stay out of the dog house.:)

“Let go…and let God,”

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The Respect Dare – Dare 5 – Me and My Big Mouth

Rachel skipped to the car in the driveway, excited! “Yeah, I finally have freedom!” she screeched in sheer joy knowing that she was taking her first solo drive to work.

Nancy felt uneasy as she watched Rachel throw her swim bag, sunscreen, and sun visor in the backseat. She was concerned that her daughter was over confident in her driving ability. It would be her maiden voyage, her 16 year olds’ first solo drive and it would be on the interstate all by herself in what would most likely be bumper to bumper traffic.

“Lord,” she prayed. “Keep her safe! Help me to stay calm for the next 30 minutes while Rachel is in route to work. Please, just keep her safe. Why am I so antsy, Lord? It is just so hard to let go!”

Nancy was working hard not to say all the things she really wanted to say…like “don’t go over the speed limit, make sure you lock your doors, look both ways, stay in the slow lane, be careful turning left out of the neighborhood…you know cars sometimes whip around that curve…” But she chose to remain silent with those nagging thoughts. She knew she needed to respect this rite of passage.

“Bye, Honey! Be sure to call me as soon as you get to work,” she plastered on the fake smile trying to sound confident as she let her daughter go.

“I will, Mom, don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

And off she drove…

As Nancy returned to the kitchen, Sam came down and gave her a quick hug. “Are you okay? I know that you don’t think she’s ready, sweetheart. But she needs a chance to grow up. She’ll be fine.”

Ten minutes later, Nancy was standing at the sink prepping dinner while Sam was piddling in the garage. All Nancy could think about was the conversation she and Sam had last night about Rachel’s request to drive to work by herself. Sam was right. Other kids drive to work all by themselves at 16 all the time. She knew she was just being silly, so she chose not to press him further.

“I’ll take care of it, Rachel,” Sam said as he came in from the garage, obviously talking to Rachel on his cell phone. “You’re sure you are alright to drive? Just be careful. I’ll let Mom know. We’ll look at it when you get home. Call us when you get there.”

Nancy kept her feelings in check. She knew what she wanted to say to her husband. She knew Rachel wasn’t ready to drive alone yet! But she kept her tongue silent.

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

“What happened?” Nancy responded.

“Rachel took out the neighbor’s mailbox.”

“Oh, Sam, is she okay?”

“She’ll be fine. I think she is a little shaken up, but she’ll be fine. I guess maybe she wasn’t quite ready to drive by herself. It sounds like she hit a mailbox with the passenger side mirror. It flipped forward, so there was no real damage to the car, probably just a little scrape. She must have told the neighbor that she’d have me come see the damage. She said she knew she’d have to pay for the mailbox.”

“At least that’s all that happened. I’m sure it will make her be more careful on the drive to work.”

Dare you to recognize that your teens are growing up and as parents we do need to let go…even when it doesn’t feel right.

Still keeping my “feelings” in check to give my teens the respect they deserve.

“Let go…and let God,”

Debbie