The topic of identity can spur some interesting conversations with women.  Let’s face it, it’s not until we look at others that we recognize if we are too tall, too short, overweight, underweight, a good mom or a terrible mother.

And then the question is, “Who is making the judgment?”

Each of us gains our identity from those we are in close proximity to.

When we were kids, we identified with our family.  They gave us our identity as we compared ourselves to our parents and siblings.  As we moved into the young adult world, we gained our identity from the college we attended or job we held.  Our peers became our mirror.

In our adult world, we tend to gain our identity from our friends–specifically other parents once we have kids.  

And sometimes, all too often, our identity can come from our kids.

I speak with women time and time again who are in the throws of difficult life circumstances with their teens.  What I hear most is the weight of the burden they carry.  In the mist of the pain, they take on all the blame.

If only I had done things differently.  If only I had been more strict, been more lenient, been more loving, stayed married, been more involved, spent more time with him, bought her a horse…and the list could become infinite.

And with that the mom has tagged herself a failure and assumed the identity of a “horrible mother”.

I want to challenge moms who are living with those difficult teens to look deeper for your identity.  Just as cancer or another illness doesn’t define you, your parent’s choices don’t define you, your friends’ choices don’t define you, neither do your children’s choices define who you are.

1 Peter 2:9

You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s masterpiece, He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.

Deuteronomy 31:8  

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Even though we tend to see ourselves through the lens of those around us and we use others as our mirror, are we going to let our friends, our peers, and our teens tell us who we are, or are we going to let God define who we are?”

The sad part is, that the women with kids who are making good choices can deem themselves “great moms” when in reality, they are getting their identity in the same place–from their kids or their friends.

Dare you to spend more time with God so that you can see your true identity as He created you to be.  Double dare you to not take your identity from your teens success or failure. 

“Let go…and let God”,

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