Tag Archive for: I’m afraid for my kids

What’s Your Parenting Perspective?

In the midst of a pandemic I see fear almost everywhere I turn.  From the grocery store isles with people backing away so others don’t get too close, to the salons with plastic shower curtains creating the great divide, the need for hope is apparent.  This post isn’t about whether we should be firm in isolating our kids or allowing them to go on with life as if nothing is happening in this crazy world we live in.  It is about looking at our perspective as parents.

Perspective is all about the lens we see life through.  Let’s face it, if we have blue colored lenses, we see blue; if we look through green colored lenses we see green. 

Our perspective is based on our values, our life experiences, and what our parents and teachers have taught us.

Are we living in fear?

Are we allowing our kids to be kids?

Are we so focused on their well-being and future success that we forget to laugh with them? 

Are we so focused on what could happen, that we forget to savor the moments?

I ran across a post on a FaceBook page the other day and got permission from Jason Hartanov to share part of it.  It’s one perspective on life as a parent.

 

TO THE KIDS WHO TP’D (toilet papered) MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT

–Thank you for restoring my hope in the youth

–Thank you for bringing fun in a way too serious world

–Thank you for finding a great use of the excess toilet paper people bought during Covid

–Thank you for allowing me to bring tolerance to an increasingly intolerant society

–Thank you for targeting my house because you like my daughters 

–Thank you for making me smile and reminding me of the best days of my childhood

–Thank you for giving us all a break from the issues in this world

–Thank you for bringing light in the darkness

THANK YOU FOR BEING KIDS

THANK YOU FOR MODELING PLAY

THANK YOU FOR SHOWING CREATIVITY

THANK YOU FOR EMBRACING LIFE IS SHORT

KIDS–next time, ask me for more TP so we can fill in the gaps–the trees are too bare, the roof has little to no paper, and you left half-rolls sitting on the ground.

Ask me for help, so I can show you how to coordinate an attack and TP the right way.

EXCITED TODAY to clean up the mess and smile the whole time.

THANK YOU for spreading joy to me and my girls.

I applaud you.

My prayer is that as you read this you’ll take inventory of how you might have responded if your house had been TP’d.  Go with your first gut reaction.  What does it tell you about your parenting perspective?

Are you too serious?

Do you know how to have fun and play?

What color of lenses do you see the world?

Ecclesiastes 8:15

So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.

“Let go…and Let God”,

Do you wish you had a different perspective in your parenting?  Are you looking for more fulfillment and joy in the life you live?  What needs to change in your home? Email me if you’d like to know how to find a more abundant life as you parent.  Perspective Coaching is all about helping parents of tweens, teens, and 20-somethings discover what might be missing as they parent.  You can email me debbiehitchcock@gettingperspective.com

Are You a Peaceful Mom?

It took me over two and a half decades to become a peaceful mom. And I’ll admit, that some days I still fail.  

But what is interesting to me is that many of my peers who have kids well in their 20’s and 30’s are not what I would term as peaceful moms.  Instead of releasing their young adults to a God who loves them dearly, I see them still telling their kids what to do–often over-involved in their adult children’s lives.  These moms still worry and fret over what might happen and willingly use their matriarchal position as one of control. 

I used to be one of these women but I’m getting better.  It’s so freeing!  From the moment I gave birth to my first, I was driven to make sure my child was everything that I thought he was supposed to be.  I’m sure he would tell you I was the nagging mother who always took charge of his life rather than letting him fail so that he could learn from his mistakes. 

As I look back at pictures of my children growing up, I see the excess.  Too many toys, gadgets, and activities stole our peace.  There was no down-time for quiet reflection or calm.  Every aspect of our lives was constant motion.

But I’ve let go.  I’ve come to recognize that peace comes from letting God be God rather than me trying to make sure that my kids have every opportunity that I can afford and are perfect in all things.

I look at the contrast of my daughter-in-law’s approach to parenting to the way I parented.  She exudes such peace in words and responses to her crying infant.  The gentleness in the way she interacts as she soothes and comforts him are unlike anything I’ve witnessed before.  And “things” are not a priority.  She wants her son to enjoy the simple things in life without the over-stimulation.

Becoming a peaceful mom is more than just a mindset.  It’s an examination of our heart.  Are we building a healthy foundation within ourselves such that we see Christ as Lord?  I love how April Cassidy puts it, “We have to examine the throne of our heart.”

Mindset says, “Worry is love, I have to figure everything out, control means protection, I am always right…”  Allowing God to sit on the throne means that I am willing to examine my heart to probe my motives and priorities during my time with Him.  It means that I recognize that my behaviors are attached to my fears, dreams, and feelings.  It means that I’m willing to look at myself and examine my prideful objective.  

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Are you feeling an “ouch” like I am?

No one said that becoming a peaceful mom was going to be easy.  God will use the context of our parenting to get our attention to who we truly are as our kids have a way of bringing out our worst.  It is when we see that we’ve become the person that we never wanted to be or that our children are turning to the very things we most feared that we are then willing to examine our hearts. 

We have to understand that when our emotions are churning and our thoughts are in turmoil and we would do anything to control the circumstance, being at peace means that we accept that God needs to be God in the lives of our children.  It means we have to get “self” out of the way so that God will parent our children through our words and actions.  It is letting our “Jesus” show to our kids even in difficult circumstances and times of conflict.

April says it so well in her book, The Peaceful Mom, “When my trust is 100 percent in the Lord, His goodness, and sovereignty, I can face even the most difficult trials with the supernatural peace of God flooding my soul.  If I truly believe He knows best and I rest in His promises, I can entrust Him with sickness, hardships, suffering, and even death.”

Psalm 23:4

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

Parenting can be a challenging road for all of us as moms.  Even on our best days, we don’t always get it right.  But if you are like most of us, you want to be a great mom to your kids.  As April so eloquently writes, “We want to model healthy ways of relating and living for our children in every area of our lives.  We long for tranquility, harmony, and joy in our families.”

Yes, that is what I want!

If you want to become your very best for your family, I want to encourage you to read April Cassidy’s new book, The Peaceful Mom. There you will find real-life stories and opportunity for  introspection as you look at how you parent based on scripture.  If you are like most of us who struggle with living vicariously through our kids’ lives, this book will help you put life back into balance.

Regardless of whether you have a three-month old or a 30 year old, The Peaceful Mom offers insight into our struggles that will facilitate growth in us if we are willing to look deep within.  Even on our toughest day as a parent, April gives us a prescription for finding His peace.

2 Corinthians 9:8

And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.

“Let go…and Let God”,

If you are specifically struggling with tweens and teens, With All Due Respect: 40 Days to a More Fulfilling Relationship with Your Teens & Tweens will help you examine the very things April talks about in her book.  The peace we all want as moms comes with introspection.  If you want growth as a mom and are longing for that tranquility, harmony, and joy in your home, instead of the conflict and struggles, we’re here to walk through the difficulties of parenting with you.  This book is practical.  It gives you the “what to say and how to say it” in a way that brings encouragement to your teens.

Why not grab a few friends and go through the book together?  It makes a great Bible Study where you can invite your non-christian friends and it won’t feel threatening. 

Or, if you prefer, we offer an on-line community where you’ll make new friends who are going through the book.  There you will find video teaching and encouragement.  I’m in there daily to answer questions and will coach you through your specific struggles in your parenting.  It’s like having women who have already been there take your hand and walk beside you.  Hope you’ll join us!