Tag Archive for: new year’s resolutions

New Year’s Resolutions a Bust? Try A Different Approach!

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For many years I’d set my New Year’s resolutions during the last week of December knowing that I wanted to do better the next year.  I promised to exercise daily and lose those extra pounds choosing to eat healthier.  I’d start cleaning the pantry and fridge assured that I would be better organized the next year.  And I’ll admit that I failed miserably at the challenges I had set for myself.  Something was not included in my planning–the inner me.  The person within that could hijack the best laid plans.

December 2006 was a different year for me.  Surrounded by my calendar, my Bible, and my prayer journal, I knew I wanted something different for the new year.  Things needed to change.  A relationship needed to change.

I was at a defining moment with one of my kids — my prodigal — my “I’m going to do things my way and you can’t stop me, kid”.

Oh, yes, I had tried to stop things.  I had tried to cajole her to a different lifestyle.  I had used every tactic in my arsenal of parenting skills and even with that I wasn’t making an impact.

I had never prayed so hard for a person in my life.

My prayers began with something like this. 

“I know you love her, Lord, even when at times I can’t.  I don’t really mean that.  I do love her with all my heart.  I just want her to live her life differently.  I want her to follow You.  I want her to see You in the midst of her day-to-day.  I want her life to glorify You and I want a relationship with her that says we are on the same team.  You have the power to change her, Lord.  Can you just do that?  Change her heart.”

That December in the quiet stillness of my tear-drenched, agonizing prayer, I felt a nudge deep within me.  “Debbie, you can’t change her.  You’ve tried over and over.  The only person you can change is you.  Start there.  Start with you.”

With that my prayers changed and my focus was different.

“Lord, You are right.  She is Yours.  I’ve tried everything in my power to help her see You and to help her see what she is doing to herself.  I release her to You.  I am choosing to let her go.  This is Your story, not necessarily the way I would write it, but it is Yours.   I know that You have a plan. What do you want from me, Lord?  What do you want me to learn in the middle of this trial and heartache.  I’m here.  Change my heart.  Change me to be the best mom that I can be to her and my other kids.”

That prayer became my New Year’s Resolution.  It wasn’t about what I wanted to accomplish–the weight loss or the organization.  It was about what He wanted to accomplish in and through me.

Beginning in January, I took a different tactic.  I focused on my past–the story that God had written for my life.  What affect was it having as I parented?  The next three months I cried more than I had in years.  I let His story wash over me as I looked at my childhood through adult eyes.  I better understood who I was and who God created me to be.  I also began to realize the pieces that I had brought into my parenting–things I would have never given thought to without the overarching heaviness of my prodigal. 

I began praising God as I continued to go through the trials with my daughter. 

Philippians 4:6  

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, WITH THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God.

There was no doubt that I was changing.  God gave me an empathy for my difficult child that could only come from Him.  He gave me a different perspective and a softness that was willing to endure her gut-wrenching choices and remain by her side.  Rather than the “you are doing this to yourself” speech, I was able to walk through the predicaments she got herself into holding her hand and letting her know that I was there for her.

Whether you are dealing with a prodigal or are just wanting a better relationship with your tweens, teens, and twenty-somethings, the book With All Due Respect:40 Days to a More Fulfilling Relationship with your Teens and Tweens was my journey.  It was the process that changed the inner me.  It helped me see who I was in the relationship and it helped me change the outcome of my relationship with my daughter and my sons as well as my relationship with God.

You see, as much as we’d like to, we can’t change our kids.  However, we do have the capacity to look within and make changes early in the relationship that can make a huge difference in the joy you find in parenting.  The change in you can affect a change in your kids in amazing ways.

Why not start 2018 off with a New Year’s Resolution to focus on your relationships?  I promise that if you do, you’ll see parenting from a totally different perspective and you’ll come to know the story He is writing for your life.

1 John 1:7

But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.

We’d love to have you start your own mom’s group and go through With All Due Respect starting in January.  If others won’t join you, you can also join our With All Due Respect on-line e-Course that will begin in January.  There you can join women from around the country from the comfort of your home.  You can access the videos and discussion stream at your own convenience.

Dare you to join us as God creates a new “inner” you in 2018.

“Let go…and Let God”,

 

Want a More Peaceful Home as Your New Year’s Resolution?

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As the new year rings in, I’m usually fast to make my new year resolutions.  These usually involve some type of diet, exercise, or other health considerations.  Next in line on that list is typically a project that has sat dormant for years and I resolve to complete it.  

Somewhere in the list of top 10 things I’m going to change are the behaviors I want to instill in my kids.  You know the ones I’m talking about– changing those behaviors that either embarrass me or make me go livid.  

By week two of the new year  life has gotten back to semi-normal after the busy holiday season and the top 10 resolutions have started falling by the wayside.  It doesn’t surprise me.  By the end of the year I probably won’t remember them anyway.

So this year I’m proposing that whatever resolutions you may be struggling to keep might be better served with only one new resolution.

Galatians 5:22-23

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.”

Imagine what life in your home might look like if that was your focus.  What if you modeled this for your kids on a daily basis?

What if instead of getting angry you handled a situation with gentleness or kindness?

What if instead of acting on your fear you chose self-control knowing that God will be faithful to take care of your kids or the situation?

What if you responded with a quiet and gentle voice instead of spewing hurtful words at your teens?

So here’s a way to get started in your home.

  1. Focus on the scripture above.  If our desire is to have a more loving, peaceful, and self-controlled family, we as parents need to model it.  Focus on the good that we see in our tweens and teens.  Whatever we pay attention to grows!
  2. Define the problems.  When tempers rise try to get to the root of the issue.  Understanding the root cause helps put together a better solution.
  3. Find a solution that all those involved can live with. For example, if Rachel goes ballistic every time her younger sister comes into her room, set specific ways for both girls to respond in the future making sure they both agree to their new behavior in the next circumstance.
  4. Create accountability.  In other words, make sure to create an environment for honest feedback communicated in a healthy way so that others know when they are hitting the mark or falling short.  Remember it is always better to catch our teens doing things right.
  5. Pray for our kids relationships–with you and your spouse and with their siblings!  

God is our resource for each of the virtues above.  When I am struggling to be kind, it is up to me to reach out to Him for that extra dose of kindness that I need to give to someone.  The same holds true for love, joy, peace…

Now it’s time to be honest.  Sometimes we all struggle with this.  It’s hard.  But here’s a story one mom shared about how focusing on these virtues began to change her responses with one particular teen.

“I don’t think it matters how many kids you have, but one of them seems to grate on you.  For me it was my son who always chose to do the wrong thing.  Things got so bad in our home that I didn’t care if I did anything for him.  He didn’t want to listen to my suggestions or take advice from anyone. Eventually he ended up in trouble with the law.  

I know that it is hard to fathom a mother thinking these things, but my thoughts went something like this, he’s finally getting what he deserves.  Maybe this will teach him something.  I think I was so frustrated and hurt that I just wanted someone else to put him in his place hoping that he would learn how to do the right thing.

Recently we’ve been texting a lot.  It gives me time to think before I respond to him.  I’ve been trying to respond out of love instead of frustration.  I try to share the joy of us interacting with each other.  When he tells me he has made a decision, even though I don’t agree with it, I ask myself if he could have made a worse decision.  The answer is usually yes. That allows me to respond with a kind word–after all, it could be worse.

Self-control of my words and actions with him is not easy, but I’m finding myself relying on the Holy Spirit in me to prompt me in our interactions.  My son is beginning to trust me more and is asking for my opinion occasionally.  And if nothing else, that’s a start.”

Dare you to begin your new year focused on one new resolution–to become more like Jesus in your responses as you interact with your tweens and teens.

“Let go… and let God”,

Want to find more ways to family peace during the tween and teen years?  Why not join other women as we go through With All Due Respect – 40 days to a more fulfilling relationship with your teens and tweens.

By starting now, you’ll have the opportunity to start the new year off right focusing on one of the most important relationships you have–your kids!  By clicking here wadr-logo and entering the code daretorespect, you’ll get $40 off for a limited time.

Dare you to join me and others as we laugh, cry, and pray together on the journey of parenting our tweens and teens. 

 

 

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