Tag Archive for: Teens and Social Media

Will Your Teen’s Christmas be Filled with “FOMO”?

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Walking through the mall yesterday I was marveling at the beautiful teen voice that penetrated the massive hallways.  Barely able to walk through the throng of people to see who this incredible girl must be, the music stopped and the next set of performers were beginning their dance moves to a different holiday carol.  The magic of Christmas filled my mind with memories of my own kids participating in holiday performances several years ago.

The parents were no different today than they were when my kids were in middle and high school. Cameras were held high capturing the events.

And I paused wondering how many of those pictures and videos would end up on social media platforms.

It’s natural to want to share to the world our children’s success.  Facebook and Instagram make it easy to share pictures with Grandma who is hundreds of miles away.  It’s a way to help her feel connected to her loved ones.

Yet, as we go into the Christmas season,  I hope you’ll stay with me for a moment as I share some results from recent studies reported by CNN, KQED, and The Guardian that have come from countries such as UK, Denmark, and Germany.  

  • We dare to compare and so do our kids.  All the success we see on the social media platforms says “we aren’t measuring up” or “our kid isn’t measuring up” which can instill envy-inducing incidents.  Teens who are on social media on a regular basis are three times as likely to get depressed around the holiday season because they are comparing themselves to others and envy becomes a constant struggle.
  • Our kids feel a sense of “FOMO” — the fear of missing out.  In addition to a feeling of missing out,  Instagram in particular was shown to have a negative affect on sleep patterns and body image as well.  Snapchat, too, seems to rank a close second to Instagram in negative impact on the mental health of our teens.
  • People who took a break from social media for a week felt less sad and lonely. 

Let’s face it.  When our kids were younger they could be content because they didn’t know what they were missing out on.  Now that they can see what everyone else is doing with the touch of a screen, they are developing an over-desire to be like their friends and have what their friends seem to have.  Teens can turn a simple picture they receive into an idea of something that they can’t live without.  And because our teens have been sheltered from disappointment they aren’t just disappointed when they see their friends together smiling and having a good time, they tend to be devastated.

And here’s where the sad news becomes a problem for us as parents.  When teens have an infatuation for something they think they need, they fixate on it to the point that they are willing to become someone different to achieve it.  In other words “Instead of enjoying what they have, they obsess over what they think they might be losing out on and seek to get it no matter what the cost.”

So here are some things to consider as you are going into the holiday season:

  1. Be proactive and talk about the problems with social media.  Let them know that social media fills a void.  What void is your teen trying to fill?  As a parent, try to understand what that is for each of your children.
  2. Let your kids know they can talk to you when they are going through “FOMO”.  During those times take time to listen and commiserate with them. 
  3. Take a family break from social media.  Yes, Mom and Dad as well.  Even if it is just around the table playing board games, take time where you are all fully engaged.

We live in a digital world and taking the stance that our kids can’t have access to it could become devastating to their social interaction; however, as parents, we can put limitations on it in a way that says that social media has its place in moderation.  In fact, one study pointed out that YouTube is one of the few platforms that seems to have a positive affect on our teen’s mental health.  

Ecclesiastes 4:4

And I saw that all toil and all achievement spring from one person’s envy of another. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.

John 10:14; 27

I am the good shepherd:  I know my sheep and my sheep know me…My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.

Dare you to pray and listen to His voice as you decide how to handle social media with your tweens and teens during the Christmas season.  Be sure to have discussions about the pitfalls of envy and the fear of missing out.

“Let go…and Let God”,

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How Should I Handle Social Media With My Tweens?

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A few weeks ago I got a text from a dear friend.  Her husband had posted a survey question on Facebook.

Survey:  who has preteens on Facebook?  I’m not quick to give my son access, but I am curious as to others’ experiences.

The minute it was posted, responses began coming in from parents who were at the same stage of life.  All with differing opinions and letting him know how they were choosing to handle the preteen Facebook dilemma.

Let’s face it, we’ve seen the social media quagmire of false pretenses, stalking, language, and advertisements not to mention the endless selfies spouting where someone has been and who they’re connected to.  Even as adults many are seeing how they easily get sucked into the time sink that often leads to what we lovingly call “chasing squirrels”.

Yes, as parents we have the right to say no or delay the inevitable as long as possible.  

But should we?

We worry about our kids being old enough – or mature enough to handle it.  But I’m not sure any of us are truly mature enough for it until we’ve experienced the downfall of it for ourselves.

Here’s a better question.  Are you willing to be a mentor to your kids in this area of their lives?

Kids need parents who are willing to teach them the pits they might fall into and how to steer clear.  They need someone who will walk beside them as they learn to navigate the unknown world they live in.  

If your preteen is asking about Facebook or Instagram or any other social media, it means their friends are most likely on there.  Like it or not it is how this generation socializes.  So why not walk beside them in the process?

And yes, that means we need to learn how to use it if we don’t already.

Most parents decide that their kid is old enough or mature enough at a certain age and hope for the best–turning them loose to sink or swim.  By then it is too late.  Chances are these kids will already know more about social media than their parents and may not be willing to allow their parents walk beside them. 

If we teach our kids to use social media when they are still at an age when they are open to their parent’s suggestions, they’ll be better prepared to handle potential consequences.

So how can you set it up to be a good experience?

Step 1 – Ask questions as to why they want social media access.  Let them know you are considering it.

Step 2 – Say “yes” if you can devote some time to it.  But be ready with the boundaries:  time bound it (use a timer), put stipulations around when,  and make sure you are available to at least sit in the same room during access time.  Maybe even right beside them for their initial few times.

Step 3 – Share concerns about their maturity and also some of the situations they may be faced with.  Let them know that you will be reviewing their history and postings and make sure that you have access to passwords.

Step 4 – Let them know that if you become concerned about what they are saying on social media that you might be compelled to take it away for a period of time. i.e. if they behave maturely they have nothing to worry about. 

Step 5 – Make sure your kids know they can come to you if they run across things that upset or concern them and you’ll help walk them through it.

Step 6 – Don’t forget to monitor.

Step 7 – When they do or say something inappropriate – use it as an opportunity to teach.  

I’ll admit, I’ve had my own pit experience on Facebook where I had to learn humility. I was upset with a sales rep who had made a mistake on my order.  I didn’t catch the mistake until almost a month later.  When she refused to swap it out for my original purchase, I was visibly frustrated.  And wouldn’t you know it, she posted cruise pictures on-line thanking everyone for helping her make her sales goals.  In one of those anger-filled moments of seeing her smiling in front of the cruise ship, I responded to the post with an unkind word.

I tried to delete it, but it had already been posted to the world.  And she saw it.

And instantly I realized that I couldn’t take back what I had written and that I had said something in writing that I would not have said to her face — a rash decision in anger.

And I learned the power of my words – spoken or written.

And I ate humble pie and apologized.

And it was a pivotal humbling experience for me.

And that’s how our kids will grow in maturity–by making mistakes.

If we give them opportunity to make mistakes under our watch, we have opportunity to influence their values in the world they live in.

Dare you to not say no to your kids requests out of fear but to boldly walk through new things with them respecting the fact that they are growing up in today’s culture whether we like it or not.

“Let go…and let God”,