Tag Archive for: teens not meeting expectations

The Respect Dare – Dare 4 – Vision

Fondly watching my children play in the fenced-in back yard when all four were under age eleven, I could already see the future (so I thought). My own desires painted a beautiful landscape in my mind, a picture void of heartache or difficulties and brimming with success.

My oldest would be a future all-star major league baseball player. After all, he was already hitting homeruns over our fence, something that even the older boys in the neighborhood had not yet mastered! When others from his little league team were bored with the “catch the fly ball” practice drills, my son would watch to see if the kids on the other side of the field had their gloves ready. If not, he’d go catch their ball. Baseball future? You bet ya!

Then there was my daughter, destined to be on stage with her radiant smile and voice of a future star. She would regularly come down the stair in some fashion she had created out of any article of clothing that she could get her hands on, dressed to her finest in my high heels, belting out a song that I was sure would melt the judges hearts with her every audition. Not only was she destined to sing, I knew she would do so in the outfit she designed!

My third was the math whiz, the meticulous Lego mastermind! No doubt this one would be an engineer. Even with his quiet demeanor (compared to his older siblings), he was unbelievably gifted in making and maintaining deep relationships. At a young age, I saw compassion in this deep thinking child. This one would be the steady rudder wherever his ship sailed.

Number four was my creative genius! Whatever Lego design my third had built following each direction piece by piece, this one took it apart to fashion into his own creation. Destined to be an inventor of things not yet thought of, the imagination and forethought he put into his design were unbelievable! Quietly singing while he did his handiwork, I could see he was paying close attention to his older siblings, determined to do whatever they did. No matter what this one decided to do, he’d succeed as long as he could use his own creativity!

Yes, I had a vision for my kids…A passion for helping steer them toward who God had obviously designed each of them to be.

But what about my own vision…for myself…as a parent?

I love how Nina Roesner talks about visioning for ourselves in The Respect Dare, “If you are married, one of the purposes for your life is to become holy within the context of marriage, shining His light to the world.”

The same is true for parenting!!

I don’t know about you, but I spent so much time pouring into my kids with a vision that I thought they would aspire to, that I forgot that I need to grow as well! It wasn’t until my children became tweens and teens, that I began to realize that my vision for them was a lie created by the enemy!

Psalm 139:15-16

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed…

Only my kids can create their own vision. They need to want to paint the beautiful landscape. They have to choose to become whatever their vision is. I don’t have a major league baseball player, nor will I likely have a high profile recording artist. By high school, my one son knew he wanted to be an engineer…it was his dream, his goal, and my youngest was pouring his creative talents into music. But it is their vision, breathed in them by God.

What about you? What is your vision of the parent you would like to be in four to six months? What changes would you like to see?

Just like our vision for our kids sometimes begins to deflate as they become tweens and teens, our parenting dreams start to shake and falter as these soon to be adults start pushing our buttons and fighting for their independence. We see behaviors in ourselves that we either justify or shudder to think that we are even capable of such things. Sometimes our responses need a new perspective.

Do you need to soften your voice?

Do you need to let go of minor issues?

Do you need to loosen the boundaries?

Do you need to respect that your child is now a teen and becoming more independent?

These are only a few areas that I began thinking about as I started creating my own parenting vision. Will you join me in setting a positive vision for who you would like to be as a parent?

“Let go…and let God.”


For more ideas on respect in marriage and parenting, check out Leah’s and Nina’s blog or follow us on Facebook/The Respect Dare.

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