Tag Archive for: When Adult Children make different choices

Dare 18 – The Respect Dare – Do You Leave the Front Door Open? – For Parents of 20-Somethings

Twenty-eight year old Ashley sighed as she gave her husband Derrick a hug, “Guess I really should go home and spend the day with Mom and Dad for Father’s Day. I know that I’m supposed to honor him, but it is so hard given how he treated us when we were dating.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” replied Derrick.

“Wow! That’s so sweet of you given how he acted toward you at our wedding. I love you, but I won’t subject you to his wrath.”

“Honey, I can handle it. Besides, I got the prize.”

“Aww…you are so sweet. I’d say we both won,” she whispered tenderly. “Let me think about it. The hard part is that Dad and I always had such a special relationship. I feel like when I go home I can’t be ‘Daddy’s little girl’ anymore.”

“You’ve got me now,” he laughed as he scooped her up in a tight bear hug and gently threw her on the couch. She laughed as he started tickling her and gently nuzzling her behind the ear.

After their passionate kiss, she replied, “I’m glad I chose you. If I had to choose…I knew you were the right choice.”

With that comment the tears came flooding. “Derrick, why did he make me choose?”

Later that evening Derrick broached the subject again. “Ashley, maybe it makes sense for you to go visit your parents by yourself. Please know that I’m more than willing to go with you, but maybe if you go by yourself, your dad won’t feel so threatened. Maybe you can talk about it. Maybe…maybe he’ll come to accept me…accept us as part of the family.”

“I can certainly try. I just hope he’ll listen. Maybe I’ll call Mom and share with her what I’m hoping for with Dad. Maybe she can talk some sense into him before I get there. Derrick, you are such a good man. Thank you for suggesting that I go home and work through this with my parents. I’ve always dreamed of having the opportunity to take our future children to grandma and grandpa’s house and play games and have fun there. The way it was when I was growing up. Now, I’m almost afraid of what Dad will say if I do go home. I’m afraid that it will stir up the anger all over again. I guess that I thought that no matter what I’d always be ‘Daddy’s little girl’.”

“Ashley, just remember that you’ve got me. You’ve got us. Whatever happens at your parent’s house doesn’t change the fact that I love you. I’ll be praying that your Dad will get the fact that you still want a relationship with him. Honey, I’ll never make you choose between him and me. I know that there is room in your heart to love both of us.”

Ephesians 1:3-10 ESV

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace,

Have we been so hurt by our adult children’s choices that we have failed to extend grace to our 20-somethings? Have we made it hard for them to return through our front door? Do we sit in judgment forgetting that our children still need our love? Have we forgiven them for the choices they make…even when we don’t think they deserve it?

Dare you to have open dialog with your 20-somethings to see if there are open wounds of the past that need to be lanced so they can heal.

“Let go…and let God,”

Hope you will join Nina Roesner as she provides insight on marriage and Leah Heffner as she blogs to wives with little people as we go through The Respect Dare together.