Emotional Relationships—Ready to Ignite!
I didn’t blog Friday…and that’s probably a good thing.
Oh, I had my blog written in my head. But the more I mulled it over, the more I realized that my emotion was getting in the way of truth.
I had even given voice to my frustration to my husband the night before. Being a good listener, he empathized with what was happening to me. He agreed…it wasn’t fair.
The anger came tumbling out…
“How dare these people I love take more and more of me…I feel used up by them!”
“Why does my twenty-something make choices that don’t line up with what we taught them. And then it is Mom who has to come to the rescue. Don’t they realize how embarrassed I am by their behavior? Don’t they consider how I feel? Do they even take into consideration that my time and resources aren’t something I owe them?”
Then there was the friend who made a decision that hurt terribly! No thought to how I would feel in the circumstances she was putting me in. “I do so much for her!”
Those emotions of the week continued to trigger a barrage of “woe is me” feelings.
Like the feeling from unresolved conflict with a brother who chooses to avoid rather than deal with the situation…
Like the memory from childhood where my family ignored my feelings and let me suffer…alone.
And before I knew it…I was having my own pity party. 
I’ve learned to no longer take action when my emotions are raw from anger…hurt…and sadness.
Typically, when I get to this point I start having a dialog with myself. I’m sure you can relate — the logic versus emotion conversation where I finally can get my brain to focus on finding truth. What would scripture say about this situation? Should I hold my tongue or speak truth in love? To simplify…what would Jesus do? Or more specifically, what would Jesus have me do?
Sometimes my emotions are strong…they run deep…but luckily, in addition to going to scripture and having dialog with God who gives me strength in these situations, He has blessed me with a wise friend. She knows me well and is willing to walk beside me giving me outside, non-emotional perspective that allows me to think. She helps me to put truth to my emotion.
Friday was no different. My friend was there, ready to provide prospective. “If you take that action, what do you think will happen to the relationship? What other options could you take?” Then the final question… “What does God want you to learn from this situation?”
Ouch!
If I truly believe that God works all things together for our good, (Romans 8:28), then what is He trying to teach me here? How does He want me to grow through this situation?
As I continue to ponder all the emotion, scripture, and my friend’s questions, I remember Jesus’ words to Peter…
Matthew 18:21-22
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Duh… the world doesn’t revolve around me.
Hopefully my reaction to my twenty-something’s behavior will show a maturity that comes from my walk with Him. My friend may have done something that upset me, but I need to understand that she has been under a lot of stress. She didn’t intentionally try to hurt me. My brother is on a spiritual journey just like I am and I need to extend him grace for where he is. And in my role as a wife, a daughter, or even an acquaintance, I need to allow others to do and say things without being ready to detonate the emotional bomb sending shrapnel to whoever is in my line of fire.
Dare you to learn what triggers your emotions to ignite.
Double dare you to share with us what steps you take to move your emotion to a logical conclusion.
Learning that it is up to me to control my emotions.
“Let go…and let God.”
Debbie
Matthew 18:21-22 in the new King James version of the Bible reads: Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? U
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People have often thought I am mad because I talk to myself. I acquired this skill after watching my mum do it when I was very young and I have loved it since! So when someone presses my RED button I withdraw because I have claws and very sharp teeth that can cause irreversible damage. After my withdrawal I play the scene over and over again in my mind I try hard to figure out where the ‘enemy’ party was coming from. I then watch my response and my feelings. Why did those words jump starts a dangerous warlike reaction? I learn something new about me and the ‘enemy’. I pray to go for help and I pray forgiveness and I pray for wisdom! I then meet with the ‘enemy’ and negotiate a settlement of peace! Often we come it stronger, other times we walk away from a relationship but no matter what happened I know God is working and in His time He will make all things beautiful!!
I just realized I missed your comment with the holidays. I love how you respond when someone presses your RED button. Learning to pray and ask forgiveness as well as reconcile shows God is at work in your life! Blessings to you!
I have learned that when I “hear” things I perceive to be an “accusation” my emotions can get out of control. For example, the question “Are you busy?”, can just set me off!! Why you ask. Because I perceive it as the person asking the question believes I am lazy. Is that what they mean – NO – they just want to know if I’m doing something at that moment. So I have asked my friends and family to ask me “Do you have a minute?” or “Are you busy on Tuesday”. That way I don’t get upset or frustrated.
Another thing I do is to answer someone who doesn’t really know me with, “I’m always busy – but if you need a minute I have one”.
So, in my opinion, I’ve learned to ask for help in this area. And you know what? Now my friends and family ask me – “Do you have a minute” when they call. AHHHH I can relax and answer their question.
Stefanie, I love how you have come to identify your triggers! Not only have you identified them, but you’ve chosen a response that is light-hearted but speaks truth. You’ve also taken a brave step in teaching others what you need so they don’t ignite the wrath. By changing your response, you are getting exactly what you need. Thanks for sharing your skills with others!!