When God is Silent

As I sit here writing, I keep wondering if the tears will ever come.  Silence darkens my life right now as I continue to wait for God to open the door.  I’m guessing my NOW has different circumstances from yours, but if you’ve had kids in their tweens, teens, or twenty-somethings, I’m sure you can relate.  Sometimes we just need to know that God is with us in the trenches of day-to-day life.

It’s in those times when you are waiting for the earth to give way knowing you might fall into the abyss if you don’t HEAR something.

I keep pondering Hannah’s grief in 1 Samuel 1 as she says in verse 16b “I have been praying here out of my great anguish and grief.”

Don’t we do this as parents?  We pray and pray at times, grieving that we wish circumstances were different.

That’s the NOW I’m in.  Grieving over what hasn’t happened.  Anguishing over the future.  Trying to hang on until I HEAR a voice on the other end of the phone tell me it will be alright.

After  3 1/2 years of searching for the right doctor to diagnose the source of my son’s pain, a shoulder specialist chimed in with his impressions.  “He has at least two muscles detached from the spine.  No one has ever done this surgery before because there are only one or two documented cases of this ever happening.  My experience with detachment from the scapula says we should be able to decrease the pain significantly if we reattach them.”

With those words, my college student rearranged his life.  Putting school on hold for the year became an emotional decision.  Knowing that when he returned, his fellow classmates will have graduated was heart wrenching to say the least.  Surgery was scheduled for early in the semester with time to recoup and gain strength before returning to dorm life.  It all made logical sense and things began falling in place.

With bags packed and hope of pain-free days down the road, my son got up on Tuesday to begin what he thought would be the two hour trek to the hospital.  We had decided to go into the city early afternoon and stay the night since he needed to arrive at the hospital at 5:30 am for surgery.

Before breakfast was on the table, the ‘worst-nightmare’ call came in.  “Surgery has been cancelled.  Your insurance company has refused to pay for the surgery.  It has been deemed experimental.”

With that, our hearts crumbled.

“Of course it is experimental,” we echoed each other’s thoughts.  “No one has ever had to have this surgery done before.”

Day 4 has arrived, and still–SILENCE.  No word from the doctor’s office.  No word from the insurance company.  No returned phone calls after calling several times each day.

As parents, it seems as if God gives us no choice but to wait.

We wait for Him to show up on the scene when crisis hits our homes, our lives, our children.  Whether you’re like me waiting for God to show up in my NOW of pain relief for my son, or you are dealing with teenage pregnancy, drugs, sexual abuse, cutting, threats, or a myriad of other things that plague our teens, know that God is still in control.  We have to have faith to trust Him.

Without my faith in Him, I have nothing to hold on to.

Without my faith that He is ultimately in control, I would certainly fall into the abyss.

Without my faith that my God can move mountains (Matthew 17:20), I would not be able to sustain the haunting silence.

I’m reminded that Abraham waited 25 years for God’s promise of Isaac’s birth to be fulfilled.  I guess in contrast my 4 days of silence doesn’t seem quite so bad.  With role models like Abraham and Sarah, as well as Hannah, I am reminded that my job is to not only cry out to Him, but to faithfully wait.

Hebrews 4:16 NIV

Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Psalm 62:5-7  NKJV

My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him.

He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.  

In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength And my refuge, is in God.

“Let go…and let God”,

Let me know what “wait” you are in.  I’ll put you on our ministry prayer list.