What Kind of Men Will Your Daughters Marry?

A college professor at a Christian university posted this slide in an Old Testament class.  It went viral on Facebook.

While I’m sure some of you might be offended at the language used and the inference to what might be considered unwholesome talk from a Biblical view, I hope you will take the time to notice what it is really saying–direct talk to our soon-to-be-married population in a society where Christian divorce statistically ranks higher that that of unbelievers.  http://www3.dbu.edu/jeanhumphreys/SocialPsych/evangelicalmind.htm

And then I thought about the audience at that university.  While I’m sure it produced a good laugh in class and for those willing to really embrace the concept, might actually get them to think about it’s message, I wondered if it wasn’t too late an effort to get our daughters to think before they leap into a relationship or marriage.

By the time our girls are stepping into the threshold of puberty, they’ve been dreaming of being a princess and meeting their prince for years.  Suddenly the hormones kick in and they are in the hunt for that perfect boy to take notice.

So how do we help our girls choose wisely so they don’t marry Boaz’s cousin?

Start the talk early–before her need to attract the boys.

1. Perhaps if your husband does something noteworthy you might say “Honey, you know your father showed a great deal of integrity when he offered kindness instead of wrath to the man who stole from him.  I hope you will find a husband with integrity someday.”
2. Or maybe your son shows empathy toward a friend.  Make sure to tell your son what he did “right” in front of your daughter–raising both kid’s awareness of virtues you hold in high esteem.
3. Let your daughter know that soon she will have the desire to start seeking the attention of boys.  Encourage her early of your hope that she choose wisely based on his virtues while letting her know why it is important.

As the attraction begins–stay in communication about her choices.

1. Ask questions and help her think.  “Tell me why you think he is special?  What are some of the things that you find attractive?  What might be some things about him that bother you?”
2. Listen and don’t pass judgment.  “Hmm…interesting…wow” are just a few words that will show that you are engaged but not condemning.
3. If you have real concerns about the relationship, ask permission to speak truth.  “Is it okay if I share some of my thoughts?”  If she says yes, proceed cautiously so as not to offend.  If she says no, respect her wishes and tell her that you are always available if she would like to talk later.  (Know that most kids want to hear what their parents think.)
4. Start these conversations early in her relationship with a boy.  Remember it will be easier for her to cognitively disengage than to disengage when she is emotionally invested.

By junior high or early high school–share the slide and talk.

If your daughter is in school, she’s heard lots of language already.  She might even find you “cool” if you share something that she thinks you might find edgy.  Talk about what it means and how you hope she applies its truth in her life.  Read the book of Ruth together from the Bible and talk about Ruth’s virtues and choices.  Share with her Ruth 3:10. “The LORD bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor.  

For us as parents:

Deuteronomy  11:18-20

You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. “You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up. “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates,

Our kids need straight talk from us early in their lives before they are grasping for independence.

Dare you to start conversations like these with your daughters today.  She’ll be better prepared to wisely choose her mate.

“Let go…and let God”,