When I’m in the depths of despair with one of my kids, frustrated with their choices, and wishing things could be different, sometimes I have no idea what being a good mom really looks like. I vacillate with what the right decision should be in the moment and it’s easy to get down on myself–after all, I should have been able to change the situation. Right?
As I have been contemplating this in the NOW I’m in, searching for truth, and wanting so badly to be the best mom possible in the middle of the circumstances, I’ve started asking myself, “What would a good mom do in this situation?”
Sometimes being a good mom means being a tough mom. Regardless of what my child wants, I need to be strong enough to do what he needs in the moment. Figuring that out isn’t always easy.
At other times being a good mom means showing compassion and allowing my teen to see my heart that resonates Jesus with skin on. A hug, a gentle touch, or a word of hope can move my young adult to a place of believing in themselves again.
Being a good mom is sometimes guessing who we need to do in the moment. And when we don’t get it right, rather than getting down on ourselves, being willing to apologize and push the reset button trying a different tactic to get forward movement.
As I’ve been contemplating all the aspects of being a good mom, I’ve started compiling a list of the different things I need to be. Some of these come easier for me than others. But at times, I need to play the position that doesn’t come natural because it is what my kid needs in the moment. My automatic reaction might not be the best approach.
So here’s my current list. I’m sure I’ve only scratched the surface and I’d love for you to add to it at the end of this blog.
As you go through the list, my hope is that you’ll take an internal inventory. What comes naturally to you? What do you need to add to your list of skills so that your reactions to every situation are not always the same? If you find that you fall short in an area, this is an opportunity to think about what will be different in your next difficult parenting interaction.
But above all else, give yourself grace.
A Good Mom…
- Listens intently
- Uses concise communication so there is no question as to the point
- Encourages and supports rather than criticize
- Knows that their child’s happiness is not at the top of the priority list
- Is God-dependent and confident that He has the answers for every situation
- Is willing to apologize and make amends without making excuses or blaming someone else
- Models healthy relationship
- Discusses kid concerns with Dad so that a unified decision can be reached
- Let’s her kids make mistakes rather than try to control situations
- Willingly pushes the reset button when things aren’t going well
- Acknowledges and respects that her children are separate human beings and not extensions of her
- Is calm in the middle of life’s storms
- Takes care of herself so that she can better take care of her children
- Knows her values and models them for her children
- Is aware of conversations/conflicts that are getting out of control and chooses to pause the discussion until everyone is able to communicate with a sense of calm
- Assesses situations to find the facts before jumping to conclusions
- Let’s her ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and her ‘no’, ‘no’ without manipulation from her teen
- Stands firm in her values when making decisions
- Shows empathy and compassion
- Offers encouragement
- Coaches her teen through difficult situations
- Avoids jumping to conclusions
- Is consistent
- Asks open-ended questions that encourage her teens to tell their story
- Teaches her kids that God is walking with them through every struggle
- Chooses to accept her child as God created them rather than comparing them to others
- Keeps fear in check so that worry isn’t the focus of daily living
- Creates a close circle of friends with whom she can share her parenting struggles without concern for gossip
- Loves unconditionally
- Allows her kids to think for themselves
And above all else has a relationship with Jesus Christ and trusts Him for the outcome.
“Trust in him at all times, oh people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”
“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.”
“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.”
“He is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD.”
“Let Go…and Let God”,