For those of you who have been following my blog lately, I owe you an apology. And I need to say thank you for hanging in here with me. I promised to blog at least twice a week, but instead…
My Life Got Put on Hold!
Over two years ago, I woke up to my teen screaming in pain. He was struggling with each breath as he curled up in bed with tears rolling down his cheeks. Needless to say, he didn’t go to school that day or the next. Doctors made educated guesses as to the source of his pain. We did countless tests and scans. Somehow he managed to make it through the school year. He managed to even make it through a part-time job for part of the summer, but the stress was too much, the pain too intense.
He tried going away to college and succeeded for a semester, but the pain was persistent making life on a college campus too heavy a load.
We spent a year with him living at home, going to school part-time and going to doctors full-time. Surgery made no change in his pain levels.
Another semester away at school was agonizing…for me this time. Countless phone calls, last minute trips to campus to provide moral support and something to ease the pain. So desiring that life would somehow become “normal” in the midst of the storm, I made prayer my companion as I clocked countless miles to and from campus just to get him through the semester.
Summer will soon turn to fall, but here we are…still waiting.
Waiting to see the next specialist that doesn’t have a vacancy for months.
Waiting to see if the next medication will make a change.
Waiting to see if doctors in another state, at a more prestigious hospital, will have the answers. (That’s why I haven’t been blogging recently.:))
More scans, more tests, more medications…no answers yet.
Meanwhile, God is teaching me that timing is totally up to Him. And, I’ll admit, I hate that sometimes!
Sometimes I get so impatient. I want things to change now. I want answers and I’m willing to drive across the country in hopes of finding them.
The hard part about all of this is that I don’t get to always call the shots. I have to put aside my desires for my son and allow God to do His thing in His timing.
God is teaching me to wait more patiently. He’s got me trying to listen more intently. When I am up against a wall, frustrated that I can’t find the next door to walk through, or caught at a traffic circle with no idea of which direction to go, I’m learning to stop and wait until I hear His voice.
Yesterday was no exception. I was at a dead stand-still. Having researched a lead, I shared my idea with my 21-year old son. His response, “I’m tired of it, Mom! I’m not going to another doctor. I think you are heading down another rabbit trail. My answer is no!”
Thankfully, I’m learning to listen to my son and back off from pushing my agenda until the timing is right. He doesn’t want to hear my voice. He needs to hear God’s voice.
And later that day, God showed up!
After agonizing with a friend over my frustration, after asking her to pray, after sharing with her how I hated that we were still in the same place after over two years, the phone rang. It was an out of state call. It was one of the doctors my son had seen a few weeks ago.
Her words, “I think you need to have your son see another specialist. There is actually a really good one where you live. I know him.”
That’s when my mouth dropped open. You see, this doctor mentioned the same specialist that I had mentioned to my son earlier in the day. This doctor confirmed that my research was a good theory. This doctor was able to be the voice from God that assured my son that His mother wasn’t heading down another winding road that would lead no where! This doctor was God’s answer to my time of waiting. We now have another door to walk through!
I have to remember that when things are not going the way that I want them to, when my desires start to feel hopeless, or when parenting seems to be a difficult and arduous task, God is still on the throne.
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Dare you to rely on Him no matter what situation you find yourself waiting in as you parent.
“Let go…and let God,”